Friday, September 2, 2011

Top 5 Coolest Names From History

What's in a name?  Let's see...

5: Black Bart - His real name was Bartholomew Roberts, but this Welsh pirate from the 1700s was known as Black Bart.  He has the quintessential bad guy name.  But don't take my word for it--ask Ralphie who he shot in his backyard with his official Red Ryder carbine-action 200 hundred shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time.  Yup, you guessed it.

4: Wild Bill Hickok - Shot in the back of the head in a town called Deadwood while playing poker (holding aces over eights--forever known as the dead man's hand), he was one of the most notorious gunfighters of the American West, and had a name to match.

3: Genghis Khan - Founding father of Mongolia and reigned over more than 25% of the world's entire population at the time.  Plus, who can forget Captain Kirk screaming "KHAN!" (about a different guy, but still--that name has power).  It all comes together to make Khan a pretty cool name.

2: Magnus Ver Magnusson - Four-time winner of the World's Strongest Man competitions back in the 1990s.  He had the most bad-ass name ever, and he lived up to it by being a living mountain.  But the best bad-ass name isn't the coolest name from history; that belongs to...

1: Finn McCool - Yeah, that's a real name.  He caught and ate the salmon of knowledge and gained its wisdom, occasionally carried a magic bag of weapons, killed bad guys, and currently sleeps awaiting Ireland's greatest hour of need, at which point he'll wake and arise in glory to defend his homeland.  His f'ing name is FINN McCOOL!  COME ON!  Every Irish pub in the world should have a poster of this guy hanging right over the bar.

You think you know better?  Call me out.  (Or call me out specifically on how Magnus is not a "historical" figure, Finn is a mythological character, or Black Bart and Wild Bill are nicknames--whatever, it's my list.  When there's a blog called Whoever-You-Are Top 5, you can make your own list.)


  1. Dante Mack
    Skid Mark
    Sammy, not Sam or Samuel, Foster
    Vern Partner

  2. Dale Cummings (Beta Alpha Rho 4-life)

  3. Bethany College golf team captian: Jack Hiscock

  4. David Kozlowski (aka "Koz") - biggest bad ass of them all. Haha.

  5. As of right now, I'd have to go with "Tristan James"