Henny Youngman was nicknamed King of the One-Liners, a title only appropriate because Rodney Dangerfield hadn't yet started his career. Don't know what I mean? You will after you read today's top 5:
5: One day I came home early and saw a man jogging outside my house naked--no clothes on. I asked him why, he said "Because you came home early."
4: I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War, my great uncle fought for the West!
3: I was tired one night and went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife!
2: My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "Alright, you're ugly too!"
1: I passed a bar and saw a sign outside saying, "Inside: Topless! Bottomless!" I went inside; there was nobody there!
Okay, so these aren't all literally "one line," but they're funny as hell, and there are a lot more where these came fom! Share your favorites by commenting below.