In 2007 I was given a holiday pack of Thanksgiving sodas made by the Jones Soda Company. These weren't Thanksgiving themed sodas (like "Cornucopia Cola" or "Root for Detroit Root Beer"), these were Thanksgiving flavored sodas. I sampled them with friends Shane and Beth. Luckily, we videotaped the "meal," so I can accurately report the results here, years later. Here's what we decided were the "best":
5: Turkey & Gravy Soda - After opening the bottle, the smell hit Shane and we heard, "Oh, this is bad." Beth, somewhat embarrassed, admitted that to her, "it smells good!" We were all hesitant to try it. Our hesitancy proved prescient--comments after sipping included: "The aftertaste is horrendous!"; "Why do they make these?"; "I hope these are safe for drinking."; and "I hope there's no turkey in there. Is it meat juice?"
4: Pea Soda - Shane thought this had potential to be the worst. Beth summed up our anticipation with an almost inaudible groan. We sipped, there was silence, then someone shouted, "Oh my God that's bad." Which was repeated twice more. The camera panned away from Beth as she gagged. She rallied to say, "At least 'antacid' is next."
3: Sweet Potato Soda - Shane figured that this had potential, since he expected it to be sweeter than the others and therefore more like traditional soda. Beth sipped first and commented, "It's not bad." I tasted next and jovially said, "I'll tell you right now, I don't like it." It was not good, but after tasting others, I expected the worst and was surprised. (I almost wrote "pleasantly surprised," but nothing about it was pleasant.) I took a full sip of this one, rather than a taste, because I "bought into the argument." That's an actual quote. Stupid.
2: Antacid Soda - Shane, ever the soda-optimist, thought this final soda of the evening would be okay because antacid is "supposed to be fizzy." Beth supported Shane with, "At least you drink antacid." But as the old Texas saying goes, "fool me once, shame on... shame on, you; fool me you can't get fooled again." Their arguments didn't have me convinced about the Pepto Bismol-colored soda, and I was not about to believe the hype. I wish I could say I was proved wrong, but this had the opposite effect of Pepto--our stomachs were not settled, and our nausea did not subside. Shane summed it up: "What makes Pepto tolerable is the fact that it's thick and it coats your stomach. This just tastes like shit."
1: Dinner Roll Soda - This was the first one we tried. It looked like cloudy, dirty water and suspiciously had an extra inch more liquid in the bottle than any of the other flavors (see the picture above--an actual shot from that night). It smelled like a dinner roll--yeasty and buttery. It also tasted like a dinner roll--yeasty and buttery, but wet, like soda. It was not terrible, but was far from good, turning this list from the "best" Thanksgiving flavored sodas to the "least gross." Fail, Jones, fail.
So it seems that Jones figured that nobody was going to actually try this stuff. What's crazier is that it turns out Jones makes different regional and yearly varieties. Most intriguing to me are "Salmon Pate" and "Brussels Sprouts with Prosciutto." Intriguing, but not something I'd try... The five above were enough to convince me never to dip into this well again. Please, please, please share in the comments below if you've ever tried any of the Jones Thanksgiving sodas (or any bizarre soda flavors)!
Check out these other Thanksgiving-themed Kooz Top 5 lists:
-Top 5 Stupidest Thanksgiving Traditions
-Top 5 Thanksgiving Sides