Top 5 Worst TV Euphemisms for F***

The F-bomb has been a common occurrence in films as long as I can remember (which is to say, at least from the 80s, though the first recorded instance was in the 60s).  Unfortunately, someone has decided that children need protection from this word, and we are not capable of providing such protection ourselves, so voiceover euphemisms were born.  This means in the future, when introducing my son to these movies, I will need to explain the meaning of the following:

5: The Breakfast Club - "Flip You!"  No, flip you, you fricking idiot censors.

4: Shaun of the Dead - "Funk!"  Oh, come on--funk?  Thant's not even clever--it just sounds like the same word!  Though it does make the scene unintentionally funnier!

3: Die Hard - "Yippee-ki-yay, Mister Falcon!"  Who?  Are you effing kidding me?  There's no Mr. Falcon in this movie!

2: Snakes on a Plane - "I have had it with these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday-to-Friday plane!"  Can you spot both?  Here's a hint--the snakes on the plane did not battle baboons, and the plane was entirely capable of flying on weekends.  These are just bloody ridiculous.

1: Die Hard With A Vengeance - "Hey, all brothers don't know how to use guns, you racist melon farmer!"  A clever reference to officer John McClane's favorite hobby?  (You remember all the scenes where he was in his cantaloupe patch.)  Maybe...  But if not, thank you, thank you with a vengeance...

An honorable mention goes to Battlestar Galactica's "frack" for being a clever solution to the problem (in the BSG universe, frack is the f-word).  Anyway, I'm a strong believer in freedom--including free speech, which includes curse/cuss/swear words on t.v., uncensored, whenever. The words only have the power we give them.  Besides, plenty of shows can self-censor, and many movies find ways around swearing.  Hell, look at this blog--I didn't use the word "fuck" once.  Aww, shit...

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