Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Top 5 Fake Creatures Some People Think Are Real

There are some creatures whose existence was known only through legends until recently, such as the giant squid.  Then there are others whose sole existence is a legend, though plenty of naive people believe in them.  This post is about the best of those imaginary creatures...

5: Melonheads - As a kid, there was a legend where I grew up (southwestern Connecticut) about creatures that prowled Dracula Drive called Melonheads (for their enormous "melon heads," duh).  They were said to be the result of centuries of inbreeding of a family accused of witchcraft in Colonial times and forced into the wilderness.  The Melonheads allegedly prey on humans who wandered into their territory.  In reality, Dracula Drive's name is Velvet Street, and you'd drive there on a date, tell the Melonhead story on the way, stop the car, turn out the lights, knock on your own window and pretend to be scared, and hopefully scare the pants off your date (literally).  It never worked, and never, ever, did actual Melonheads appear.

4: Rods - Some people believe that the bugs flying too close to a camera lens which are occasionally photographed and show up as blurry lines are actually creatures known as "rods," which are invisible (apart from these accidental photos) and absolutely unsubstantiated by science.     

3: Nessie - The Loch Ness Monster is thought by some to be a plesiosaur, surviving from the age of dinosaurs and living in Loch Ness in large enough numbers to have a sustainable population for millions of years.  Despite this, no good evidence in support has ever turned up.  The classic photo (above) was admitted by the hoaxer to be a plastic head glued to a toy submarine.  All other sighting are attributable to mundane, common causes as well.

2: Chupacabra - The "goatsucker" is a recent myth.  Chupacabras allegedly kill livestock and drink their blood.  They are huge in Cuba and Mexico.  Early descriptions were of a bipedal, spiny, alien-looking creature with sharp teeth and glowing red eyes.  Current descriptions are of creatures that look like coyote/dog hybrids with mange.  In reality the early descriptions were imaginary and the current descriptions are of mangy offspring of coyotes and dogs--imagine that.

1: Bigfoot - A/k/a Yeti, Abominable Snowman, and Sasquatch.  "I love the smell of Squatch in the morning."  This inane phrase was uttered by a moron.  That moron is making money from the most inappropriately named show on television--Finding Bigfoot.  It's inappropriately named because they don't and never will, find Bigfoot, as Bigfoot is not real.  The "creature" in the film above is a guy in a rubber suit.  Stop watching this show.  Please.

Some people are blind to the beauty of reality and need to ignore rational explanations of mundane occurrences in favor of extraordinary (and sometimes magical) make-believe answers.  Ever heard of any of these?  Come on Fairfield County, recount your Melon Head stories below...

5 comments:

  1. No comments on my awesome artwork for number 5 (since I couldn't find an adequate picture on the interwebs)?

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  2. Hahahaa great drawing. mongloids are also talked about a lot

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  3. I do appreciate the blacking out of certain parts.

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  4. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-i7Ionr5-AXE/Tdy767_xYNI/AAAAAAAAAYs/W6-yvb-SUz4/s1600/melonhead_by_mesamantis.jpg

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  5. Ha!  I like mine better though...

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