Monday, February 27, 2012

Top 5 Oscars Fails of 2012

The Oscars--the time of the year when industry professionals pat each other on the back, and we watch so on Monday we can disagree with the Academy's decisions, discuss how bad people looked, and bitch about how stupid the Oscars ceremony is.  Lucky you, you don't have to sit through this--we'll do it for you and sum it up in one nice, neat package.  In the spirit of the night (or maybe the complete opposite of that), here are the biggest fails of the evening.

5: Cirque Du Soleil - I'm going to quote the very funny Karen Melillo here: "Nothing says 'tribute to excellence in movies' like an entirely different art form: cirque du soleil.  This is so confusing."  Yeah, they were good at doing artistic acrobatic stuff, but huh?  Next year, juggling and card tricks.

"What up, 1986?"
4: Brad Pitt's Hair - Gross.  Party in the back, but really, who's going?

3: Popcorn - Somewhere around 10:30 p.m., a bunch of cigarette-selling-girls from temperance-age casinos came down the aisles and handed out what looked like MTV Movie Awards to the nominees.  At least, I think that's what they were.  I guess you get a lesser award for being nominated for an Academy Award?  I don't know, the whole thing was kind of bizarre.

2: Actors on Movies Montage - There were a bunch of interludes with clips of actors talking about the movies.  They started with Ben Stiller being serious and getting deep and philosophical about how weird it is that we watch this screen and blah, blah, blah.  Listen guys, it isn't "deep" and there's nothing existential about it, it's the movies.  Just accept your lives for what they are--you're rich and you're giving each other gold statues; isn't it okay that you're also simply entertaining people?  Do you really need to tell yourself you're doing something deeper?  Let it go.

"May I show you to your seat?"
"My face isn't the only place I've had work done.  I added about this much..."
1: Billy Crystal - He's not necessarily number one for his performance (although his jokes mostly fell flat, and his song was pretty weak), but rather, for his look.  He wore an ugly (but no doubt, "stylish" in the way things on Project Runway are) tux that made him look lik a waiter.  Also, whatever he's done to his face makes him look sick--seriously folks, stop getting work done--it's okay to get old.

One last, special shout out to the crappy sound guy who made listening to the speeches really, really annoying.  I was up way too late to get this written.  To quote Karen again, "Oh, to live in L.A. where all the important stuff is over by 9 p.m."  So, what did you think of the Oscars?  What were the lowlights that you noticed?  Please share your thoughts in the comments below and don't forget to "like" our new Facebook page.


  1. I had NO idea the Oscars were on... sad, I know.  But it looks like I was the big winner!

  2. Thanks for sharing the nice & interesting post on Oscar 2012. 

  3. I had a late meeting for work the night of the Oscars and am pretty happy that I missed them.

  4. His entertaining was a FLOP.  At first I did not recognize him, thinking he was the ringmaster or a clown for Cirque du Soleil.  Goodness!