Monday, April 30, 2012

Top 5 Weird Investment Opportunities

Guest blogger Nick brings us today's post.  Nick is a father or two and husband of one, babbling incessantly over at Step Away from the Mall about his take on saving, spending, budgeting, investing and other family money matters.

Looking for the next great investment idea?  Well you came to the wrong place... Instead here are five probably dumb, but definitely weird "investment opportunities" that have come up over the last few years.

Disclosure:  At the time of this posting, Nick had the following positions in these investments:  None.  He thinks these are silly.  Let's dig in...

5: Hedging Marriages - Shameless plug alert: Yeah, that links over to my blog post about this new "investment" idea.  Essentially, if you're invited to a wedding that you "know" won't last longer than the honeymoon there's a company who will sell you insurance on your wedding gift.  For 8% of your purchase price on gifts between $50 and $500, the company promises to reimburse you for your gift if the couple divorces within three years.  Apparently there's talk of a secondary investment market where "investors" buy receipts from guests for $10 and buy the insurance without actually paying for gifts.  If the couple divorces, they score huge multiples on their "investment."  (Apparently the destruction of once-promising love doesn't deter these "investors.")

4: Garage Bands - Have a few extra bucks (to lose) and an ear for good music?  Well now you can be a mini music executive and "invest" in garage bands trying to make it.  Who knows... maybe you'll find the next NKOTB...

3: Bicycle Monorail Pods - Apparently Google invested in this one.  I'm not exactly sure how (or if) it would work, but I have to tell you... it doesn't look like the most efficient way to travel around the city.  Have you ever waited for some moron to get out of your way while walking on the side walk?  Imagine if you were stuck on a track!  I'll be saving my money...

2: Treasure Hunts - Arrrrggghhhhhh!  This one's pretty cool.  Apparently there's at least one company that will take your cash to fund underwater explorations.  You purchase a share of a treasure hunt and "split the spoils," if any.  But be careful... when your company is featured in the Wall Street Journal you expect some discussion about the company's stability, predictability, or reliability.  When, instead, the quote is that the investment would provide "an investment you can talk to your buddies at the bar about" (assuming you don't spend all of your beer money on failed treasure hunts), I'm out!  (I wonder if they'd take the cash via chests of gold coins...)

1: Whale Vomit - That's right, whale vomit.  It's pretty much the worst kept secret in the perfume industry that whale vomit helps the scent of perfume not dissipate (often unfortunately so...).  As a result, the price for whale vomit has skyrocketed to about $10,000 a kilogram.  I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure my last trip to the hot dog truck resulted in about three kilos of bad times.  I have no idea how they "extract" whale vomit, but my guess is there are quite a few kilos of the good stuff with each "event."  But be careful... scientists thinks they've destroyed the value of this one...

Are any of you crazy enough to invest in these, or have you encountered any weirder or crazier investments out there?  Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.  (Or leave Nick a note if you liked the post.)  And as always, we appreciate it every time you like us or share us.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Top 5 Celebrity Bankruptcies

Rich people seem to go broke in more spectacular fashion than regular people.  Here's a sampling of some of the best celebrity bankruptcies (until the next celeb files).

5: MC Hammer (1996) - He made over $33 million on the strength of 1990's "U Can't Touch This," only to seek bankruptcy relief six years later.  Hammer's assets dwindled below $10 million, against almost $14 million in debt.  One big reason--his entourage which reportedly numbered in the hundreds and cost a half million dollars per month.

4: Gary Coleman (1999) - The former child star of Diff'rent Strokes, one purportedly worth over $7 million, filed in 1999 with $72,000 in debt.  What you talkin' 'bout, Willis, indeed.

3: Sinbad (2009) - "Funnyman" Sinbad filed after the IRS came knocking looking for $8.15 million.  The problem?  Sinbad had about $50,000 in assets against $10 to $50 million in liabilities.  Also, much like communications majors who graduate to find they'll never find a job making enough to pay off their student loan debt, Sinbad's hopes of ever climbing out of his financial hole on his own were dim, as he's the all-too-common comedian who isn't funny.

2: Gary Busey (2012) - Five hundred grand in debts, twenty-six grand in assets, and nothing to show from a career in the movies.  Among his assets, a broken pellet gun, a bolero necklace, an old tape recorder, and five pairs of old moccasins.

1: Lenny Dykstra (2009) - Former New York Mets baseball player filed for bankruptcy in 2009, but that's one of the least awful things going on in his life.  He was accused of using offensive terms about blacks, women, and gays; he was accused of hiring expensive hookers and paying them with rubber checks; his housekeeper accused him of forcing her to regularly give him oral sex, and she only came forward after hearing rumors of his other sexual assaults; and he was arrested in 2011 for grand theft and drug possession, and is serving three years on a "no contest" plea on the grand theft in exchange for the drug charges being dropped.  Although I guess the bankruptcy hasn't been a bed of roses--he's been charged with bankruptcy fraud and money laundering and could face up to 95 years in prison.

Did I leave anyone out?  Let me know in the comments below, otherwise, be happy you're too financial conscious to blow through millions of dollars like these guys.  And as always, like us on Facebook and share us with your friends!

Friday, April 27, 2012

Top 5 Michael Keaton Movie Quotes

Guest blogger Sooz here, filling in for Kooz as he was having technical difficulties this morning.  (I imagine a Top 5 Reasons Technology Has Failed Me might be coming our way soon.)

Without further ado, here are my top 5 Micheal Keaton quotes.  How can you not like this guy?

Spoiler alert- Michael Keaton is an inattentive dad who dies and comes back as a snowman, so you'll probably want to add this to your Netflix queue as soon as humanly possible.

5. "Did you just call me Butt Dad?"  Jack Frost.  I never saw beyond this one scene of what I am sure is a heartwarming family film.  I'm just grateful I heard this line when flipping channels during a commercial on whatever I was really watching.

Um...just working on a recycling project!

4. "I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they're great...and they are, they are terrific.  But, pretty soon a woobie isn't enough.  You're out on the street trying to score an electric blanket, or maybe a quilt.  And the next thing you know you're strung out on bedspreads, Ken.  That's serious."  Mr. Mom.  No explanation needed.

A wise person once told me that you should never yuck somebody's yum, so bon appetit!

3. "Hey, you, over here!" Beetlejuice.  Michael Keaton is trying to lure a fly with a Zagnut bar.  Now I've never had a Zagnut bar, but I would think it tastes better than a fly.  Though to be fair, I haven't eaten a fly either, so who am I to judge?

Cheesy, but awesome.  Just like a blog.  

2. "I like pizza.  I like it!"  Multiplicity.  The copy of a copy of a copy of Michael Keaton's character loves pizza so much that he puts a slice in his wallet, folds it up and puts it in his pocket.  And makes me laugh every time.  And also makes me hungry.  Can someone order me a pizza, please?

Yes I'm serious.  Get me a pizza!

1. "I'm Batman."  I'll let you go ahead and guess what movie this is from.  Although to be honest, I actually liked the line better when it was used in this Snickers commercial.

What do you think?  Do you like these quotes?  Do you have your own favorites?  Please let us know in the comments below.  As always, if you like the blog, please share it with your friends and "like" us on Facebook!

P.S.  I'm terribly disappointed that I can't find clips to the Jack Frost and Beetlejuice scenes.  If you have one, please give me the link and I will add it.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Top 5 Best Sitcom Finales

First rule, this is only sitcom finales, so you won't find, for example, Life on Mars here.  Second, you won't see Arrested Development, since that may be back on tv in some form--even though it's finale is worthy of a mention.   And now, the list:

5: M*A*S*H (1972-1977) - The series finale earned a 77% audience share.  Three of every four people watching t.v. watched this.  The series about the Korean War that lasted longer than the war itself gave us a chance to remember the good times and the sad times, and tied up the loose ends for each of the characters.  It was a fitting end for the 4077 gang (assuming we don't count After M*A*S*H).

4: Cheers (1982-1993) - The show that ranked 77th of 77 for its premiere ended 11 seasons and 275 episodes later as one of the most beloved shows of the 80's.  The finale had it all--Diane and Rebecca, Sam leaving Cheers to live in California, and finally, Sam returning to (as Norm called it) his "one true love."  The series ends with Norm leaving the bar for the night, and Sam locking up.  A person comes to the door--you don't see who--and Sam says, "Sorry, we're closed," before heading into the darkness of the unlit back room.  It was a perfect closing moment for the bar where everybody know your name.

3: All in the Family (1968-1979) - Edith almost dies, and we all cry a little for the bigot Archie who, despite his numerous prejudices and his "king of the castle" act, is just as insecure and scared as the rest of us.

2: The Office (U.K. version) (2001-2003) - Through two seasons we get to watch the slow motion crash and burn of David Brent.  When we catch up with him in the finale, he's completely defrocked and has hit rock bottom.  Meanwhile, Dawn and Tim seem destined to be apart--and in fact are.  What unfolds over the course of the episode is simply perfect.  No spoilers here, just rent it.

1: Newhart (1982-1990) - Bob Newhart had a wildly successful sitcom (The Bob Newhart Show) that ended a few years before this show aired.  In the finale of this show, Bob wakes up--next to his wife from the earlier series--and discovers that the entire run of Newhart was a dream of his character in The Bob Newhart Show!  Best.  Twist.  Ever.

This is a list I've been considering for a long time.  I know we all have our favorite sitcoms.  I hope you'll share your favorite finale in the comments.  Maybe we could get a decent debate going!  And as always, like us on Facebook.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Top 5 Most Fearsome Looks in Sports History

Athletes sometimes look mean because they're ripped or because it gets into their opponent's head or even because they simply are mean.  The following list includes the most fearsome looks in sports in the last 30 years.

5: Kimbo Slice (Mixed Martial Arts) - So it turned out that Kimbo Slice was not able to compete with the elite MMA fighters.  But he sure looked the part, which helped him create a buzz about himself.  Just imagine meeting this guy in a dark alley.

4: Brock Lesnar (Mixed Martial Arts, Professional Wrestling) - Not only is this guy as big as a house with cauliflower ears, he looks like the jerk-off in high school who picked on you.  Terrifying.

3: Bill Goldberg (Professional Wrestling) - After being announced, pyrotechnics blasted and Goldberg emerged from a smokey tunnel--as the smoke cleared and Goldberg became visible, you'd see his enormous frame with those huge shoulders, exhaling smoke from his nostrils like a bull rearing to gore a torero.

2: Dave Stewart (Baseball) - The World Champion Oakland A's pitcher stood on the mound with his hat pulled very low casting a shadow on his face so all you could see were the white's of his eyes.  He looked like he was going to just mess up the batter.

1: Mike Tyson (Boxing) - In the late 80s, he'd stare into an opponent's eyes right before a fight when the ref was giving the instructions.  Opponents would bounce around and glance away, and he'd keep that look locked on.  The look was scary because he truly was the baddest man on the planet.  [Look at about 2:42 on the video.]

This list is very top-heavy with "ring" sports.  I thought a lot about NFL and NHL players, but it's hard to pick one because (especially in football) because you don't see their faces too often.  I also considered John McEnroe, but he looked kinda silly in retrospect.  I also thought about NBA players, but couldn't find one that looked scarier or more intimidating than these guys.  Let me know where I went wrong in the comments below, and don't forget to share this article with your friends and like us on facebook!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Top 5 Romney Sarcastic Clap Pics

You know the slow clap/sarcastic clap?  Well lucky for us, Mitt Romney, our presumptive Republican Presidential candidate who is very rich and he knows it, had a pic snapped while he was mid-clap.  Granted, he's an easy target (and, sadly for America, what Republican isn't this cycle?), but these are still fun.

5: Thanks for the campaign advice based on a semester of Poli-Sci.  Slow Clap Romney says, "Here's to your bright future in politics."

 4: Mormonism is bullshit?  Slow Clap Romney says, "I'm sure your religion is supported by evidence."

3: Everything is bigger in Texas.  Slow Clap Romney says, "Yeah, W., I get it.  Good for you."

 2: So, Texas, you've decided not to secede.  Slow Clap Romney says, "Great."

1: So you think even the very poor can grow up to be President.  Slow Clap Romney totally agrees.

All of these were created for this blog, so let us know what you think in the comments below, and like us on Facebook or share us with your favorite social networking site.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Top 5 Recent Daily "Deals" I Received

Guest Blogger Sooz offers up today's top 5:

I am signed up for a ton of websites that offer coupons, discounts, and deals.  Often I ignore them and occasionally I use them, but sometimes they offer some entertainment value...  Here are the 5 most questionable deals I've been offered recently:

Keys?  Check.  Wallet?  Check.  Biohazards?  Check.
5: Reusable bags. Okay, I can see the merit, especially with it being earth week and all.  However, what exactly does this picture show?   You mean I can reuse the bags both for sandwiches AND blood vials?   Yippee!

Just at first glance I'd say you probably need more than 3 shirts.
4: Closet.  Two hour organization consultation for the low, low price of $210.  Down from $600.  For a consultation.  Tell you what, for only $100 I will tell you, via email, that your place is messy and can use some tidying up.

"One of you will be dead by the end of the day."  Hah, hah, hah....?
3: The Game I think I fell asleep while watching this movie, but I'm pretty sure this involves murdering someone you know.  Pass.

No, Charlie isn't here.
2: A $19 opportunity to stalk celebrities.  Here's hoping for a groupon for reduced bail at the local prison.

Ever Clean Colonics.  Frequented by Never Nudes
1: A bargain colonic.   Because if that was something I would want to do, I would certainly cheap out on it.   Over 80 bought so far.   All by the same person.  Probably.

Have you seen any crazy deals wind up in your inbox (aside from the ones for Canadian pharmaceuticals or sexual "enhancement" devices)?  Share them below, and don't forget to like us on Facebook and share us with your friends!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Top 5 Reasons I'm Losing My Hair

Guest Blogger Sooz offers up today's top 5:

Buy this weave, get this hairbrush FREE!
I'm a woman in my 30's, I'm healthy and I take care of myself, yet I noticed that the shower drain keeps getting stopped-up with my hair!  And I don't mean the normal amount, I mean enough to glue together into a small cat (okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but it's a lot of hair!).  I've thought about reasons why this may be happening, and here's the best I could come up with.  And sorry, fellas, I'm taken.

5. I have kids- If my two kids aren't literally pulling out my hair, they are making me figuratively pull it out myself.

4. I JUST had a kid - Preggos take note: no one tells you that the hair your body stopped shedding during your pregnancy will all fall out in disturbing quantities after you've given birth to one of the angels (from #5 above).

3. I'm getting old - I've recently discovered some gray hairs which is completely unacceptable.  Therefore, I pull them out myself.

I heard "hair bands" but was expecting something like Poison or Def Leppard  
2. Hair Thingies - Ladies, you know what I mean!  I am incapable of taking out a ponytail without ripping out some hair along with the elastic.

1. I'm blond - Well, I used to be blond but my hair has gotten darker over the years and is now more of a light brown.  Occasionally I see a completely black hair show up and I simply can't have that when I'm still deluding myself about being a blond.  So... I pluck it out.  Which, if you think about it, is really pretty blond of me!

So really, I'm pretty sure it's the "just had a baby" thing, but who knows...  What do you think?  Share your thoughts below and while you're here, like us on Facebook and share us with your friends (balding or hairy)!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Top 5 Things To Avoid When Taking the Train

Just about every day I take the train into Manhattan (where people are annoying, super-annoying, and where I tend to suck).  Most of us on the train are commuters, but we do see the occasional tourist.  For you tourists out there (or you clueless commuters), here are the things to avoid doing while waiting for or taking the train.

5: Do offer your seat to pregnant women, but be sure she is pregnant!  Having a beer belly does not entitle someone to your cushion.  A good way to determine if she is pregnant is to reach out and hold your hand on her belly--if you feel kicks, she's probably pregnant.  If not, she's just overweight and you've got some 'splainin to do.

4: Don't have your phone's ringer on.  If you do and it rings, don't ignore it and expect us to think it's the guy's next to you.  We know who the asshole is.

[At the train design meeting]
"They should give the illusion of being three seats, while only fitting two comfortably."
3: If you're in a three seater drinking a coffee, and here's someone else in the far seat, don't balance your coffee in the middle seat.  You don't know if the next curve or short stop will send it tumbling into your lap or this other guy's.  If his, he won't be very forgiving.

2: When you're on the platform and the train pulls up with a ton of people are crowding to get off, don't stand in front of the doors forcing everyone to depart single-file.  You'll get on faster if you get out of the way rather than sausaging your way in.

"We don't want your friendship."
1: Don't talk to your neighbor.  He is reading a book or newspaper, playing Words With Friends, or staring out the window to avoid talking to you.  This may be the only time this commuter has to himself all day--don't ruin it by deciding to become a train pal!  If you're bored, that's your own fault--go buy an iPhone or newspaper.

Quick Rodney Dangerfield joke for you--nothing to do with trains, it just popped into my head.  "I have no luck, are you kiddin'?  I went to a Chinese restaurant, opened my fortune cookie--inside was the guy next to me's check!"  [laughter]  "I said, 'Buddy, I got your check!'  He said, 'Thanks.'"  Love that one, but it's all in the delivery--Google it and find  a clip.  Anyway, that was today's rant about commuting.  Expect more whiny complaints about my commute in the future.  In the mean time, drop us a comment to let us know you're out there, or like us on Facebook by clicking this link or clicking "like" at the top right of this page.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Top 5 Reasons I Love My iPhone

Guest Blogger Christie offers up today's top 5...

We all have smart phones (and those who don’t get ridiculed and mocked … I applaud that).  I knew I would get addicted to mine.  I put off getting one for a bit, but now wish my iPhone were permanently glued to me.  Here are the top 5 reasons I love it:

5: Checking my email.  In my former job, I had to constantly check my email.  If I wasn’t near a computer, I could still check on my phone.   Now that I’ve moved on career-wise, I still find it easier to check my (multiple) email accounts on my phone than otherwise.  They are all in one place and there’s no logging on and off—it’s all right there in one neat little package.

4: Crazy and Practical Apps.  When it comes to apps, there are both the practical and the insane.  I have an app for nail polish art.  You heard me!  I like to get creative with my nails every now and then and there are too many blogs dedicated to it to follow, so I searched the App Store and lo and behold—Nail App!   There is also a daily Fortune Cookie app, which saves me from ordering Chinese delivery—it even lets you “pull apart” the cookie!  Every now and then you should do an app search for something bizarre.  You will be surprised at what you will find.  (Hint: the Taco Finder is a favorite too.)  More practically, check your bank balance while shopping, set the dvr when you lost the remote (again), make sure Jeter is in tonight’s lineup, and check the weather from your fingertips.  You can be productive wherever you are.  They also help you out when you need it—I use the flashlight app constantly.  But it doesn’t end there—there’s an app to help your job search, stay connected with friends, and scan bar codes to see if you can get that bottle of soda cheaper someplace else.  Finally, check if your favorite stores have apps of their own—they post sales and coupons in the apps that aren’t found anywhere else. 

3: iBooks.  Using my phone as an e-reader is great.  I am not a fast reader, but reading on the iPhone makes me feel like I am since the pages are small and go faster than a book.  This comes in handy at the Doctor’s office, lunch hour, or whenever you need a break.  And not buying a separate device is a huge bonus. 

2: Settling bar debates.  If everyone at Cheers had a smart phone, Cliff Clavin wouldn’t have had a prayer.  You know the drill: you and your friends are hoisting a few and then it starts… “remember that movie with that guy and the car chase?”  At least once a week, the phones are brought out to settle who starred in a movie, when McDonald’s sells the McRib, or what the dirty term for that “position” is.  (Yes, these examples are all from real and recent debates.)  And of course, the later the evening, the more these precious instruments of information are needed.  Thanks to my phone, we’ve determined that Mr. Dobalina was in fact originally done by the Monkees, and Meatloaf and Jim Steinman are two different people.  My phone has saved friendships, but more importantly it has saved us nights of trying to think of the name of that 80’s cop show was that was only on a short time and the guy who starred in it has been on Law and Order.  (Oh yeah THAT narrows it down.   Answer at the end of this post.)    

1: Scrabble.  Hello, my name is Christie and I am a Scrabble addict.  Admitting it is always the first step right?  Well over the last few months, I have used this app more than any other on my phone.  Sure, I got hooked on Angry Birds and a few others, I always come back to my Scrabble.  It saved my brain from going complete to mush while recovering from an illness, and now I play it every night before I go to sleep.  If Scrabble isn’t your thing, there are millions of different games out there.  Press Your Luck is a great one!  (Big Bucks, no whammies… STOP!)  And if you had a Commodore 64 as a kid (yes, I’m dating myself here) you may remember Montezuma’s Revenge, which you can play in all it’s low res graphical glory!  Action games, retro (GALAGA!), even bar games (think darts and Monkey Bash) can all be found for your phone and can feed any addiction.  You can play like you did when you got home from school and a whole lot of them are FREE!  So play on!!

So there it is.  My top 5 reasons I love my iPhone.  Notice Siri did not make the list.  Sorry Siri but you never understand what I’m saying and always just defaults to a web search.  Useless.  I also didn’t mention actually using the phone as a phone (I don’t like talking on the phone; I text or email more that I call, so it doesn’t make the list).  I love my phone and now that baseball season is starting, I have the feeling I will love it even more! 

So how do you use your phone?  Games, business, a little from column “A” a little from column “B”?  Or have you decided against smartphones and want to stay true to your flip phone (prepare to be mocked)?  Share your thoughts below, and like us on Facebook or share us with a friend.  Cheers!!!

(Oh yeah, the 80’s cop show was called Sledge Hammer.) 

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Top 5 Purchases I Have to Make as a Homeowner

As an adult I rented apartments in big buildings or in multi-family houses until two years ago when I bought a house of my own.  There were big bills and purchases I expected going in, but there are a bunch of little things I never gave thought to.  Here are the top 5 purchases I keep making now that I own a home.

"Hey Kooz, all my children have been instructed to take up residence on your lawn--bwahahahahaha!"
5: Weed Killer - I have a lawn and I want it to be presentable.  I've never worried about a lawn before.  Unfortunately, dandelions think my dirt is delicious, so I spend a considerable time buying weed killer and spot spraying.

4: Bug Spray - When I rented, I didn't hang out outside the apartment often, so outdoor bugs didn't matter; I didn't have a garage or basement, so there were no bug issues there; and if I ever found bugs in my apartment, I'd tell the landlord to get an exterminator.  Now I care about--and am alone to handle--all three.  While I've been lucky to avoid indoor bugs (save the occasional spider or gross centipede), I find myself buying cans after can of spider spray, wasp/hornet spray, and (just in case) ant spray.

[Insert "plumber's crack" joke here; get no laughs.]
3: Liquid Plumber - As a renter, I didn't need this stuff.  The pipes rarely stopped up and any problems were handled by calling the super or calling the landlord.  Now they are my problem, and since I'm barely qualified to use a sink, much less fix one, my first line of defense is foaming pipe snake.  When this doesn't work I call anyone but Roto-Rooter.

"Wanna see, or wanna eat?  Your call, but soon my buddies will all blink out too."
2: Light Bulbs - I can't believe (a) how many light bulbs I have in and on my house, (b) how quickly they burn out, and (c) how hard some of them are to reach.  I just counted the bulbs in my bedroom and bathroom, and there are 34--thirty-effing-four!  Granted that 12 are weird round bulbs that sit over the sink mirrors, but that still leaves 22.  And these aren't cheap incandescent bulbs--they're flod light bulbs that cost from $7 to $12 each!

Appliance graveyard.
1: Appliances - My place came completely furnished with appliances, which I figured would last forever.  Did you know appliances break?  Constantly.  And require professional help to be fixed.  And can't be replaced except for hundreds (or thousands) of dollars.

What expenses did you fail to foresee in home ownership?  Tell us in the comments below, and as always, like us and share us with friends.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Top 5 Ways to Open a Beer

You’re thirsty, and you’re in luck—the host of the party has put out a bucket of beer. You grab a cold one, but it’s a Sam Adams and therefore not a twist-off! Not to worry—we can get through this. Here are the top 5 ways you can open that beer…

Open a beer, or a church.
5: Church key – This makes the list only because of the name.  You didn’t know it was called a church key, which is pretty cool.  Level of Difficulty: not at all. 

How many vices can this facilitate?
4: Lighter – What’s cooler than a high schooler smoking?  A high schooler drinking beer.  And if that high schooler opens the beer with a lighter?  Forget about it!  Level of Difficulty: 14 year olds can do it. 

3: Table – This is the first thing you learn from an upper-classman in college, where church keys are all but absent, and nobody has wedding rings.  The thing to be careful about is breaking glass tables, chipping Formica tables, and gouging wood tables…  This is a pretty dangerous way to open a beer.  Level of Difficulty: college. 

I do (want another round).
2: Ring – My wedding band is titanium, and with a little practice (and inspiration from my friend Matt) I learned to pop a top with the ring—awesome and so handy.  My wife isn’t the biggest fan of the idea, but it has come in handy.  Level of Difficulty: requires training.

1: A CD – Remember CDs?  They were music before iPods.  Anyway, I’m sure this works with a Blu-Ray too.  I can’t vouch that this will not ruin your music collection, but it’s worth a try if you forgot to return the Celine Dion your aunt bought you (you can’t re-gift it, and you’ll never get a taker on eBay).  Level of Difficulty: ninja.

What other methods can you think of?  Share in the comments, and happy drinking!  And don't forget to dig us on Facebook or share with your friends.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Top 5 Observations from my Night Out

I went out with friends for a few drinks in Stamford, CT, "...The City That Works!" (seriously, that's the town slogan--ellipses, exclamation point, and all) and have a few observations:

5: Get drunk, save money.  I work in NYC and find myself out there a lot more often than elsewhere.  I forgot that in most places, a gin and tonic isn't $11!  I saved a fortune!

4: On being in a band... One bar had a really good band that had to be so aggravated.  These guys and girls obviously worked hard learning to play and learning all the music, because as cover bands go, they really were good.  However, they were playing to literally less than a handful of mildly enthused fans--seriously, there were no more than 12 people in the bar, four of whom were watching the band.

3: Food trucks, hot dogs, and women.  There was a food truck selling hot dogs.  Let me be clear, it wasn't a hot dog cart, it was a full out food truck that specialized in hot dogs.  I only noticed it because we watched a couple of pretty girls get hit on by a couple of doofuses, then we saw them all leave together.  We couldn't understand it until we saw the girls from the window--they were heading to the hot dog truck with the dorks in tow.  They all disappeared behind the truck (for what seemed like an inordinately long time--long enough for us to make snide comments to each other about what they might be doing), then emerged eating hot dogs that we're certain the guys paid for.  A minute later the girls were walking away alone.  Guys are suckers.  But seriously, a hot dog food truck?  Lame.

2: Random stupidity.  A girl in a bar came up to me said said, "You look so familiar, I think I know you. What's your name?" I said, "Dave." She said, "Nope," and left.  I am left thinking the name "Dave" is less common than I thought, since it ruled me out as someone she'd met--she must not know any Daves.

1: Falafel and elevators.  At the end of the night, we went for a bite.  The only place open (aside from the hot dog truck) was a falafel place.  As I was paying, a girl came in causing the guys behind the counter to stop everything and tell each other that the "elevator girl" was here.  Here are the incidentals that make this ridiculous: (1) all the guy had to do to not make me wait was give me my change, which he was holding in his hand; (2) all the guys behind the counter were well into their 40's but were giddy as schoolgirls; and (3) after they prompted the elevator girl to "do the thing," (their words) she did a pantomime of walking down a non-existent staircase (like this), which made the guys go wild.  I know I was drunk, but this made no sense.

So, encountered any crazy, stupid, inane, or bizarre stuff lately?  Better still, ever been out in Stamford--what do you think?  Share your comments below and like us on Facebook!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Top 5 Things to do when your Husband is at Boys' Night Out

Guest Blogger Sooz is taking over today's blog.

What's a girl to do when left at home for the night?  Here you go!

5: Eat whatever you want - Want to order out?  Go ahead!  Want to skip dinner and go straight to dessert?  I don't see why not!

4: Play with reckless abandon.  Play as many games of Words With Friends, Scramble Free, and Draw Free as you want.  No need to feel guilty about not paying attention to your husband talking it important?

Quality programming.
3: Watch whatever you want.  You don't have to suffer through Lifetime movies and WWE matches...unless you want to.

2. Set the alarm clock.  Go ahead and set the alarm clock on HIS side of the bed to go off at the crack of dawn.  You won't be hungover, so it's not going to bother you!

1. Hijack your husband's blog.  Worked for me!

Hopefully your husband wont remember these things when it's your turn for Ladies' night out.  Do you have better ways to spend your night in?  Keep it clean, folks, and leave it in the comments below.

[Ed. note: The husband will remember...]