Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Top 5 Fast Food Restaurants

You may be healthy, but don't lie--you love these.
Fast food is slowly killing our youth, and it's part of the reason I can't climb a flight of stairs without getting winded, but fast food is also a staple of Americana.  Today we're going to look at the best fast food restaurants in America.  I hope you're wearing elastic-wasted sweatpants, because you're going to feel fat just reading this:

What's a pirate's favorite fast food stop?  Arrrrby's.
5: Arby's - Not your typical fast food--Arby's specializes in sandwiches, in particular roast beef (R.B. = Arby; get it?).  Let me describe why this is a lock for a top five spot: tasty, very thinly cut roast beef, warm melted cheddar cheese, zesty and slightly tart "Red Ranch" sauce, all on a toasted onion roll.

Used to be Kentucky Fried Chicken--not fooling anybody.
4: KFC - The first time I ever had KFC, I was 20!  I know, right!  Whatever the Colonel's secret is, it's made even better when coating boneless chicken strips swimming in KFC's awesome honey mustard sauce (best in the business).  Do this: order a 3 strips meal with mashed and wedges--use the wedges to scoop the mashed, or dip them into the honey mustard, or use the strips to scoop the mashed, or dip the complimentary biscuit into the mashed, or honey mustard--my point is, the meal gives you options, man, options!  Plus, there's the KFC Double-Down.

"They've got the golden arches; we've got the golden arcs."
3: McDonald's - McDonald's is the quintessential fast food burger joint, but despite its age and ubiquity, it still operates at a really high level and brings some pretty decent crappy food.  The double cheeseburger and Big Mac are classics, but even things like the Arch Deluxe were pretty amazing.  And let's not forget the McDonald's secret menu...

Make a run for the border--about 10 minutes after eating.
2: Taco Bell - Taco Bell has 4 basic ingredients which it offers in a variety of different forms, yet somehow, Taco Bell food doesn't all taste the same.  While I'm not completely sold on the Bell's Doritos Locos Taco, the menu offers plenty of tasty selections, and for $10 you could get more food than you can ingest in one sitting (unless you're one of the those two fat guys on the motorcycles in Guinness Book of World Records).    For the record, here's our top 5 favorite things on the Taco Bell menu.)

Hands up if you liked it before Harold and Kumar did.
1: White Castle - Sliders are little burgers, about 2x2x1.  The patty is about 2 millimeters thick (no, I'm serious), as is the cheese.  The patty fries up on a bed of diced onions, with the bun placed on top while it fries--allowing the bun to soak up a bunch of onion water and burger grease.  An average-sized person can easily but away a half dozen sliders.  They are amazing.  Now bring into the picture crinkle-cut fries, crispy onion rings, and warm but crispy chicken rings--all of which come in various sizes, including a "sack"--and you need nothing but a remote control and a beer to reach total enlightenment.

Remember when Burger King was the bomb?  Now they aren't even top 5!  Wendy's too--Dave died, and Wendy's quality control died with him.  Okay, someone on the West Coast--hit me with all that Jack In The Box and In-N-Out Burger noise.  I know you're underrepresented in this list.  I will say that the only regional in the top 5 is White Castle, and Harold and Kumar may have taken them national, so I reject your arguments.  Make your arguments below, and if you like what you read, share this with your friends and like us on Facebook!


  1. Christie CartolanoApril 3, 2012 at 3:15 PM

    I cannot stress enough how much we need a White Castle here in Stamford.  Love my KFC...have to get the popcorn chicken to munch on the way home.  Just like McD's fries or BK onion rings (although haven't had them in quite some time) I'm convinced these places make these things just for the drives home.

  2. Sorry man but you missed Duchess and Wendy's. I think I put Wendy's chicken sandwich at the top of my list

  3. I don't really go to fast food joints now that I live in NY, but when I was living in the suburbs, my top three were: Popeyes, Roy Rogers, and A&W.  Yummmm... I loved A&W.  Their burgers were great, and their curly fries were to die for.  I'm hungry just thinking about it.

  4. Duchess is great (or at least it was; it seems to have gone downhill in recent years), but it's waaaay too small to be on this list.  Duchess has 14 locations, all in southwestern Connecticut.  It just doesn't deserve to be here, even if the food is awesome.  

    Wendy's, on the other hand, was seriously considered, and intentionally left off.  They've gone way downhill lately.  Their chicken sandwich (I liked the spicy version) used to be one of the best fast food items out there, but lately it seems made of questionable chicken bits and too much breading.  Also, Wendy's seems to have, on a whole, gotten sloppier.  The staff used to be a step above other chains, but now it's on the same level as McDonald's--that means screwed up orders, hastily thrown-together sandwiches, and other problems.  No, Wendy's falls short of these 5.  But that's just my opinion!  :)

  5. A&W I can get behind.  Popeye's always seemed like a downgraded KFC to me.  In my experience, Roy Rogers is at highway rest stops, and you only eat it if there's nothing edible in the rest stop gift shop.

  6. As a west coaster, I've had my share of Jack in the Box. Great commercials, super greasy food. But not in a good way in my humble opinion.

    Taco Bell is probably at the top of my list. I've had a Dorito Loco Taco (as well as a Double Down at KFC), but nothing beats a Cheesy Gordita Crunch. They'll even make one when It's not on the menu. Sweet.

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  8. Taco Bell is great--I can actually remember the first time having it--it just opened in the mall, and I was coming off a birthday so I was flush with cash.  I got a 6 pack of soft tacos (which I'd never heard of before--only had hard in the past)--it was amazing.

  9. Burger king does suck now, but I miss those .99c whoppers.

  10. Oh, hellz yeah!  There was a time when McDonald's had $.99 double cheeseburgers--I think I ate enough to get them to up the price!