Monday, April 9, 2012

Top 5 Things About "Chopped" That Piss Me Off

You've seen this show--chefs are given a mystery box of ingredients and must, in a short period of time (say, 20 minutes), put together a complete dish using all mystery ingredients. I'm watching the "All Stars" edition, and I'm screaming at the screen. Here's why:

5: The Judges are pompous asses.  At least several are, especially Alex Guarnaschelli who, every time she takes a bite, looks like you just called her the "c" word.  How Alex, someone who competed (badly) and lost on The Next Iron Chef, is qualified to criticize people on the way they integrated Jello into their canned duck meat dish is anybody's guess.  And the way she (and others) lord their culinary knowledge over the competitors smacks of insecurity.
"Your food sucks, and trust me--I know a thing or two about food sucking!"

4: The judging is bullshit.  Sometimes people break the rules (don't use a required ingredient or go over the time limit, for example) and are allowed to move on; other times they get disqualified.  I'm pretty sure I remember Alex advocating for someone who cooked a worse dish, but had a better story--seriously.  That's what we all think goes down on reality TV shows anyhow, but for her to actually make the argument on camera was just ridonkculous.

3: Gross stuff happens.  People lose finger tips  all the time.  The worst was an episode where a guy reached into his blender, cut his finger, and pulled his hand out.  The judges called him on it, saying that he shouldn't serve something that he bled into.  He said he got his hand out in time, and they were fine with that explanation.  Umm, gross!

2: The host is embarrassingly bad.  Ted Allen (you remember him as the boring guy from Queer Eye For The Straight Guy) is the host.  He is terrible.  He adds nothing, he sounds like a robot, and I'm pretty sure most of his "off-hand" comments are scripted.

1: The judges pretend they like the really gross ingredients.  Presumably, gross ingredients are included to make the show more challenging.  But the judges (who are usually chefs themselves) often feel the need to pretend they actually like the gross ingredients.   The episode I'm currently watching features pre-cooked beef tendon as an ingredient.  One judge actually said, "I am struggling, chef, to find the beef tendon.  I would have liked to see some of that chewiness, that unctuousness..."  No, that's a lie.  You would never, in a place with anything else on the menu, order pre-cooked beef tendon.

Granted, I'm in an ornery mood, so the show probably doesn't deserve such harshness, but whatever--I think the critique is valid.  What do you think?   Let us know below, and if you enjoy this, like us and share us with you homies.


  1. I kinda like the show ... Now i gotta go find some homies in order to share with.... 

    I do hate it when a person leaves out an ingredient and are still allowed to move on, that is BS.

    Also can the food-network channel please please get an original Idea...

    Chopped = Stolen from Top Chef quick challenge.
    Restaurant Impossible = Kitchen nightmares (Although I like Irvin better then Gordan)
    Some show where contestants start a theme restaurant, unsure of the name, also stolen from Top Chef.

  2. Christie CartolanoApril 9, 2012 at 9:33 PM

    I am going to chalk this Top 5 up to a cranky-pants mood. I love Chopped.  And I love Alex.  (she told me i could call her Alex whilst Tweeting with her one night.) Chefs are's in their DNA. The show is so cool and twisted too.  Sometimes I think the people who put the baskets together are totally stoned and craving strange stuff. Last night, Chopped All-Stars began and I'm looking forward to seeing Alex win!  And even if she doesn't, I like that the judges particpate and see how hard it is for the contestants.
    Oh and if you're going to hate anyone, how about that a-hole chef who said he wanted to be on because the 'lighting was flattering to his skin-tone?' 

  3. That guy sucked too, but Alex is awful. Google it and you'll see how much people hate her. I think the show has ton of potential but consistently fails to reach it in full...

  4. Yeah, Food Network jkind of sucks.  I was an Emeril guy, but I miss those days.  Where have all the cooking shows gone?  Everything is either a gimmick, a reality show, or a "let's go all over the place and eat local (or weird) food" show.

    But that said, I still dig the concept of Chopped, just not the execution.

  5. Alex is impossible to like.  Pompous.  Perpetually angry.  Just awful.  And she didn't win any points in contestant mode when she was on "The Next Iron Chef."  

  6. She's really terrible.  I haven't seen her compete on Chopped Champions (or whatever it's called) yet, but I can't imagine she does anything but make herself more unlikeable.

  7. Did anyone see this last "Chopped" Champions (2013) edition? What a load of BS! I'm sorry, but Gavin sooooooooo deserved to win and I didn't even taste the food (obviously)! The judges are all hypocrites and extremely critical of everyone "not on the food network" family. I'm sorry, but I had to rant about this and this was the only site I could find.
    Scott Connent's (whatever the spelling) dessert was a calamity! It was all over the place didn't manipulate the indgredients at all, and the other guys plate was PRISTINE and all the judges agreed it tasted amazing! They should make the judging BLIND!!! That is all..... Thanks for reading.

  8. PS. This will be the last "Chopped" episode. Bashing up and coming chef's creations during an extremely difficult challenge, while kissing each others Food Network Family ***es is just a disgrace.

  9. Sorry ^^^^ "my" last chopped episode.

  10. The show is like having a doctor critique other doctors when Chefs are the contestants. How stupid is that. If I was there and some ass chef says my cooking is bad and I'm a chef, I'll say F@%# Y@&, and walk out. This show is like watching the Kardashians and shout at the judges. Aghhhh, I'm pissed off.

  11. Couldn't agree more. I'm done with this show. This and The Celebrity Apprentice are just garbage.

  12. Answer to number 5: She is from New York