Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Top 5 Ways to Open a Beer

You’re thirsty, and you’re in luck—the host of the party has put out a bucket of beer. You grab a cold one, but it’s a Sam Adams and therefore not a twist-off! Not to worry—we can get through this. Here are the top 5 ways you can open that beer…

Open a beer, or a church.
5: Church key – This makes the list only because of the name.  You didn’t know it was called a church key, which is pretty cool.  Level of Difficulty: not at all. 

How many vices can this facilitate?
4: Lighter – What’s cooler than a high schooler smoking?  A high schooler drinking beer.  And if that high schooler opens the beer with a lighter?  Forget about it!  Level of Difficulty: 14 year olds can do it. 

3: Table – This is the first thing you learn from an upper-classman in college, where church keys are all but absent, and nobody has wedding rings.  The thing to be careful about is breaking glass tables, chipping Formica tables, and gouging wood tables…  This is a pretty dangerous way to open a beer.  Level of Difficulty: college. 

I do (want another round).
2: Ring – My wedding band is titanium, and with a little practice (and inspiration from my friend Matt) I learned to pop a top with the ring—awesome and so handy.  My wife isn’t the biggest fan of the idea, but it has come in handy.  Level of Difficulty: requires training.

1: A CD – Remember CDs?  They were music before iPods.  Anyway, I’m sure this works with a Blu-Ray too.  I can’t vouch that this will not ruin your music collection, but it’s worth a try if you forgot to return the Celine Dion your aunt bought you (you can’t re-gift it, and you’ll never get a taker on eBay).  Level of Difficulty: ninja.

What other methods can you think of?  Share in the comments, and happy drinking!  And don't forget to dig us on Facebook or share with your friends.

9 comments:

  1. Christie CartolanoApril 17, 2012 at 10:40 AM

    I've never heard of the cd trick before and won't try it either. Anyone who knows me knows that is a trip to the hospital waiting to happen! :D

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  2. Haven't tried CDs but hit the rest up pretty frequently as a bartender.  Also (don't try this at home) but you can open one pretty easily with your teeth... probably not good for the teeth.

    You can open a twist off on your forearm or bicep (if you have one) with enough pressure... pretty dumb but got some decent tips back in the day... I'm embarrassed for my younger self...

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  3. I like the caption on the ring picture! Hah!

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  4. Yes--keep those fingers whole, please!

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  5. I've done the tooth one--almost cracked a tooth though, so totally not worth it.  Never been big enough to do the muscle one.

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  6. Teeth, I hope you mean.  Otherwise, fellas, line forms on the right...

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  7. I've made do with a dorm room key, though it involves a lot of prying.  But that's life for you.  You do what needs to be done.  

    Apparently, you can open a wine bottle with a shoe.  

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  8. Dorm rooms haven't had keys since '94.

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