Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Top 5 Worst Named Evil Organizations

Growing up in the 80's you learned two things about bad guys--first, you never got to see their face, and second, they were probably part of a huge criminal enterprise operating under an (often inappropriate but sometimes too appropriate) acronym.  Here are some examples of the worst named evil organizations who used acronyms.

5: P.A.G.A.N. (Dragnet movie) - People Against Goodness and Normalcy - In the movie about the old cop show that starred the old colonel guy from M*A*S*H, Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks team up as detectives trying to stop the evil P.A.G.A.N. organization, which is running a drug operation.  Maybe.  Or, I don't know, something else that's bad.  It's been along time since I've seen it.  I remember a virgin sacrifice, a milk factory, the good guys popping a handful of pills, an empire built on a porn fortune, and a giant snake getting stoned (drugs, not rocks).  Whatever.  The writers wanted to call the bad guys Pagans, and this is what they came up with as the meaning of the forced acronym.  I guess I'd join the group if I were against goodness and normalcy, but then would I be the type of person you want in your drug operation?

4: F.O.W.L. (Darkwing Duck) - Fiendish Organization for World Larceny - How do we know these are the bad guys, aside from the fact they are Darkwing Duck's nemeses?  Well, they're fiendish and in to stealing worlds.  What?  You read that differently?  One thing we can be sure of is that they came up with the name before the acronym since it's such a perfect and descriptive name.  The reference to water fowl on a show about a duck must have been completely coincidental.

3: M.A.D. (Inspector Gadget) - Malevolent Agency of Destruction or Mean and Dirty - Gadget, who originally had a mustache, fought Dr. Claw, who cleverly named his little club the Malevolent Agency of Destruction--the acronym was appropriate and the name left no mystery as to the group's intent.  Unless he not-so-cleverly named it Mean and Dirty, which shows why he left marketing to pursue a career in super villainy and global domination.  The show gives us both names.

2: V.E.N.O.M. (M.A.S.K.) - Vicious Evil Network of Mayhem - That's right, they confirm they're the baddies right from the get go.  They're vicious, they're evil, they're a network...  They also confirm they are better spellers than the heroes of M.A.S.K., which stands for Mobile Armored Strike Kommand, and ensured a generation of kids would misspell Armored.  It's supposed to have a "u" in it, right?

1: C.O.B.R.A (G.I. Joe) - Criminal Organization of Bloodiness, Revenge, and Assassination - I had forgotten that C.O.B.R.A. was an acronym until I started researching this list.  With leaders like Serpentor, I figured they just had a snake theme.  They start their name with "criminal"--there's no mistaking their intent.  Plus, they're an organization founded upon the triple pillars of bloodiness, revenge, and--despite the fact that over the course of hundreds of battles, not a single person on either side was killed--assassination.  Pretty dark stuff.  And again, the villains prove they can spell; isn't that right Cobra Commander?

There are more, but not ones you think.  For example, The Foot (TMNT) and KAOS (Get Smart) aren't acronyms.  Do you have an acronymed villain to supplant one from above?  Tell us below.  And don't forget to share this post and like us using the Facebook "like" button above (or clicking the link).

15 comments:

  1. "serpent or wants an ice mocha chino. this i command!!!!"

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  2. Oh man, I totally forgot that was how he talked.  Was he not one of the best bad guys ever, if only for the unintentional comedic value he brought?

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  3. Nice job on this one. Love that anyone remembers Mask.

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  4. Great job.  Before I even read the post, COBRA was the first thing that came to mind.  Bravo!

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  5. Mask was by far the most blatant of the "shows designed solely to sell a toy line" shows.

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  6. Thanks!  There are some great 80's bad guys--COBRA is certainly among the best, and easily the best that uses an acronym.

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  7. id love to see who from cobra got laid off and is collecting unemployment. obviously they are on monster.com soliciting their resumes individually or collectively, as a terrorist group. so naturally, they will run a trader joes together thinking its spelled traitor joes. serpentor will be in the trademark flower shirt uniform and apron telling house wires to bring recyclable bags.....this.... he commands!!!!! all while zartan is offering toothpick samples of a new brie they got in. i know this much, I'm checking out in the baroness's line. maybe try to get her number.

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  8. the most evil cartoon characters today.......G.O.P. Goetic Old Pricks

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  9. Sigma Chi....Criminal Douchebags

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  10. @KCurtiss58 robert dogga Wow, people are getting riled up!

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  11. Didn't Zartan change color?  You need to work that in there.  lol...

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  12. There was "SPECTRE" in the James Bond Books / Movies...  
    Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, and Extortion
    Seems more like a individual guy than an organization.  Maybe just above "V.P." in the evil chain of command. 

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  13. So...would C.L.I.T. (Coalition to Liberate Itinerant Tree dwellers) be on this list or the list of 'best' names for evil organizations?

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  14. Not sure, but lots of people tell em they're hard to find...

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  15. Well, they are an offshoot of the L.A.B.I.A.....

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