Thursday, May 17, 2012

Top 5 Craziest Corporate Personality Types

If you've worked in an office, you've met these people.

5: The Kiss-Ass - She's a bitch and everyone hates her.  She's a monster to the staff below her, and she acts like the boss when working with her peers.  But then the boss arrives, and she's a sweetheart--nothing but platitudes, kindness, and maybe tasteful jokes.  Perhaps she even hikes that skirt up an inch or two more.  She's terrible, but one day, she'll be promoted and be your boss.

4: The Scavenger - If there is food in the office, the Scavenger finds it.  Whether it's leftover cake from a staff birthday, or hot food from after a client meeting, the Scavenger sniffs it out and packs a plate (or several) to bring back to his desk.  The Scavenger's salary is proportional to the amount of scavenging, with the highest paid people taking the most free food.

3: The Bragger - Nobody can top the bragger.  This jackass has done everything, and more impressively than you.  He's had a hole in one at Pebble Beach, saved a life by physically pumping someone's heart with his hands until paramedics showed up, been to the Kentucky Derby/Superbowl/that concert of that band you like--but he was in the third row.  Screw this guy--he's full of shit and we all know it.

2: The Busy Guy - This guy never gets anything done, yet he's always busy.  He always looks annoyed and rushed, travelling around the office with notepads and TPS reports, yet he never seems to be reading them.  The Busy Guy might as well be George Costanza...

1: The Gunner - Everything is nice and relaxed until the Gunner arrives.  He raises the bar again and again--work late?  Sure.  Work late for no overtime?  Absolutely.  Work late and over the weekend?  Yeppers.  This forces all the Gunner's co-workers to up their game (and resent the Gunner).  Thanks for that.

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  1. You missed one - the Corrector, who is the guy who makes sure to insert himself into a conversation he may or may not be actually involved in in order to fix a "mistake" which has little to no impact on the actual point of the discussion, and even if people noticed, they knew what you meant.

    Also, in the example you gave, the Scavenger's salary would be proportional to the amount of scavenging, if the amount of food went up with salary.  Inversely proportional would be less food taken as salary rose.

  2. Ah, the Correcter.  I know him well.

    As for the correction, absolutely right--thank you!