Thursday, May 10, 2012

Top 5 Vanished Commercial Mascots

Over time, mascots come and mascots go, and for every Tony the Tiger, there are a million Quisp guys.  Here are the five most notable (in a good or bad way) mascots who, for one reason or another, are no longer with us.

"We've come for your daughter, Chuck."
5: The King (Burger King) - I have friends who loved the King, but he always creeped me the hell out.  The one spot I remember is a guy waking up in bed, and he rolls over to see the King sleeping next to him.  What is this meant to imply?  Did the guy have a one night stand with the King?  Did the King break in and watch him sleep?  What's any of this have to do with slinging burgers?  Anyway, the King was discontinued in late 2011.  I slept a little easier (and Kingless) that night.

4: Spongmonkeys (Quiznos) - Quiznos made a major advertising push in the early 2000's, and adopted the Spongmonkeys as mascot in 2004.  A Spongmonkey is (apparently) a dead hamster with googly eyes and a cardboard smile stapled to their faces.  These little creatures were so disturbingly disgusting that people actually avoided Quiznos because of the ads.  Quiznos pulled the Spongmonkeys in favor for some inane crap that nobody remembers, but was good enough to propel Quiznos to the #2 spot in U.S. sub chains.

3: California Raisins (California Raisin Advisory Board) - Back when California's biggest problems apparently could be solved by convincing people to eat more raisins, the California Raisins were born.  The California Raisin Advisory Board was inexplicably given a big enough budget to commission and buy national airtime for a claymation commercial featuring the the song "I Heard it through the Grape Vine" and featuring the California Raisins singing and dancing.  They later starred in a generic Christmas special which sits on a shelf somewhere, untouched for years.  They died out in the early 90's.

I'm very angry but don't know why!
I'll bet that makes you want a Domino's pizza!!!
2: Noid (Domino's) - This was a claymation jerk in a skintight red suit with bunny ears who, in the late 80's, tried to prevent you from getting your Domino's pizza in 30 minutes or less.  It's never been made clear why the Noid is so intent on ruining your day, but it no longer matters--the Noid disappeared in the late 80's, and the 30 minutes or less guarantee left with him.

1: The Bakers (Cinnamon Toast Crunch) - Originally, in the 90's, the cereal had three mascots--like Rice Krispies.  Two were killed off, leaving only Wendell to make your delicious breakfast treat.  That's probably why the cinnamon swirl disappeared too--it was just too much work for one man.  Okay, to be clear, I haven't been able to confirm the other two were killed off, but they did disappear mid-ad campaign without explanation, and the cereal wars are vicious!

Do you like reading the Kooz Top 5?  If so, consider letting us know by leaving a comment below, sharing this post with a friend or two, or liking our Facebook page.  And tell us of the mascots you can remember from bygone days.


  1. Thanks for checking in, Rob...  I know how much you love the Noid.

  2. This is great!  Also, if I may...the Noid got the Family Guy bump when he showed up in Mayor West's office during an episode.  And for the record, I have the California Raisins Claymation Christmas special on DVD.  They were not my favorite part of it however, but it was nice to see the special get some respect here.  (fist bump)

  3. Oh and Kooz?   The King freaked me the f out too!

  4. Gotta respect the raisins.

  5. OMG these are awesome ... sad but I forgot about most of these ...

  6. Don't worry; we're here to remind you of all this crap!

  7. Number one HAS to be Spuds McKenzie.  I mean, as much as I enjoy Bakercide, this is a travesty.  In addition to being a classic mascot, he and Alex from Strohs are immortalized in Tone Loc's "Funky Cold Medina"

    Honorable mention goes to Cookie Jarvis, the original wizardesque mascot for Cookie Crisp cereal.  He's no Dumbledore, but is missed just the same.  

  8. Spuds is a good one, but that Medina's a monster man!

    Got another one for you--remember Max Headroom?  He was a Pepsi spokesperson...

  9. I actually even remember the short-lived TV series "Max Headroom" and the TV movie that spawned it.  An excellent call back!  

  10. I also remember the show, but was just on the wrong side of "getting it."