Thursday, May 31, 2012

Top 5: Ways to Know if You're Cool (Retro Style)

Okay hipsters--you've heard the 80's are in and you've taken steps to make sure you're in the cool guy club.  Has it worked?  Here is a quick quiz to test your efforts...  Answer honestly then score yourself at the end.

5: You have an Atari 2600, Atari 5200, or Atari 7800.

4: You have a Dexy's Midnight Runners song other than Come on Eileen on your iPod.

3: You rock black spandex biker shorts with a neon stripe down the side.

2: You constantly reference Reaganomics, the Soviet Union, the Berlin Wall, or Oliver North.

1: You're a big fan of Fred Savage or Neil Patrick Harris.

5: Trick question. Add 5 for a 2600, add 2 for a 7800, but lose 3 for a shitty 5200.  If your 2600 has faux wood paneling, add an extra 2 points.

4: The members of the band can't name any song other than Come on Eileen.  Lose 3 points for trying too hard.

3: Nobody but Technotronic ever thought this was cool.  Lose 5 points if you said yes.

2: If you do so in an attempt to be cool, lose 5 points, and please, stop.  If you do so in an appropriate context, such as discussing George H. W. Bush's place in the history of U.S. politics, lose 3 points--that isn't cool and you're too smart to be taking this dumb quiz.

1: If it's a show about a prepubescent doctor or involves Winnie Cooper, lose 3 points.  If it's a movie that involves Nintendo, add 4 points.  If it's something that aired after the 80's but before 2005, lose 2 points.  If it aired more recently and involves Sandcastles in the Sand, add 1 point.

Add up your arbitrary score.  If you took this quiz, kept score, and added it up, you're not cool.

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  1. For the record, I got 8 arbitrary and meaningless points.

  2. Thankfully, I'm too cool for math, but not too cool to anxiously await the return of the mullet.  Best.  Hairstyle.  Ever.