Friday, June 1, 2012

Top 5 Reasons I HATE Summer!

Christie is back with another top 5 for your reading enjoyment...

It is no surprise to those who know me that I am not a fan of the Summer.   My favorite time of the year lies between September 1st through New Year’s Eve.  But with the new season just about here (and having had a taste of it already), I feel that I must get this out now before I blow a gasket.  So here they are, the Top 5 Reasons I HATE Summer…

5: Longer Days - People who know me know of my ‘vampire’ ways.   I’ve always been a night-owl, even when I was in grade school.   (Mom dreaded getting me up for school in the AM.)    I wake up when the sun goes down and unfortunately for people like myself, the days seem to drag on forever.  For some, it gets even worse…SAD (Seasonal Affect Disorder) is known mostly for the Winter months, but there is a small population who experience it as the temperature warms.  I often get depressed and become a miserable, cranky biotch in the Summer, but for some, it is simply unbearable and something for friends and family to watch for.  Mostly, I just like it dark outside.  It works for me.

4: Bugs - Mosquitos, spiders, gnats, creepy crawlies--they are everywhere.  And this time of the year, they get in the house ALL the time!  I free spiders generally; the only exception is when they scare the hell out of me—like when I’m just about to fall asleep and an 8-legged monster comes flying down off the ceiling and onto my pillow—then he just has to die.  He just has to.  But mosquitos... Mosquitos are the worst.  I’ve inherited my mother’s “mosquito magnet” gene; the one I used to make fun of as a kid.  My jokes have come back to bite me on the ass…literally.  You put me in a group of 10 people at a BBQ and I end up with bites all over, while those around me get off without a scratch.  I’m like their personal bug repellent!  This year is supposed to be record breaking for the bloodsuckers too, so if you haven’t bought your stock in calamine lotion yet, now would be a good time to do so.  Note: Lightning bugs are the exception to this rule as they are simply awesome.

3: Sun - I am one of the whitest people you’ll ever meet.   The sun and I are NOT friends (see number 5) and while everyone walks around with their pretty beach-made-real-tans, I remain pasty and ghost-like.  Oh, I’ve had my share of burns, sun poisoning, and skin peeling when I was younger, but as I’ve gotten older I've tried to stay out of the sun.  Every now and then I cheat, just trying to get a little color.  It is a rare thing and I don’t really like to do it.  My aversion has paid off in a way--I don’t really look my age (so far) and I’ve been able to avoid the old “skin-C-word” that runs in my family.  However walking around like Casper in July comes with a price, and that price is mocking.  My friends are evil, but let them mock—for I am pasty and proud!!

2: Heat - It’s hot.  It’s just hot.  There’s no getting away from it.  At least in the Winter when it’s cold you can add layers.  When it’s hot?  Naked is the only option and it’s not allowed in public places (thankfully)!  Granted, we have it a hell of a lot better than Texas or the mid-West, but it still gets damned hot here!  The only way to describe it is with this clip.

1: Humidity - New England is incredibly humid in the Summer.  That heat we were talking about above? Well, add the humidity and you will know what a lobster feels like going into a pot of boiling water.  There is no escape.  It seeps into your pores.  It suffocates and it makes even non-asthma sufferers wish they had inhalers!  You can feel it hit you like a brick wall as you walk outside from an air conditioned environment.  If you stand near a busy door (like an office building, apt. building, etc.) listen carefully.  When it's a particularly high-humidity day, you can hear the sound.  One by one as they all walk out of the cool and into the soup, “UGH.”

No fear though folks—September is only 3 short months away and soon there will be cool breezes, leaves of color, and apples ripe for the picking!  It’s that thought that gets me though the Summer.  That and a lot of ice cold beer!!!  Happy Summer Everyone!!!

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  1. I especially agree with 4 and 1. I am also insect repellent for friends. Last year I bought one of those off personal fan things and it did absolutely nothing. I even held it right next to a mosquito that was biting me and the mosquito did nothing but thank me for the lovely breeze to go along with his long drink. Refreshing, he said.

  2. At last someone who agrees with me that summer sucks!!!