Saturday, June 2, 2012

Top 5 Things Not to Say to Cops

You are speeding, or on your phone, or weaving through traffic, but you didn't see cop until he turned on the flashing lights. Here's the worst responses to: "license and registration?"

5: "If you let me go, there's a Boston Creme donut with your name written all over it."  Fact: not all cops like donuts; only most of them.

4: "You should let me go, I'm a lawyer.  I'm a public defender."  If you were a prosecutor, then maybe, but if your career is built on getting criminals back on the streets, the cops aren't going to let you off.

3: "To catch me, you must have been going just as fast I was."  Any genius out there want to take a stab at why this bit of logic won't work?

2: "Does this make you feel important now?  You powerful, powerful person.  I bet you were picked on in school and that's why you took this job--so you could be the bully for once.  That's why you're stuck doing this and I make twice as much as you."  Anything along these lines is a bad idea.  Plus, having a bunch of cops in the family and as friends, I can tell you that they do really well, and were generally not picked on in high school.  In fact, it's a really competitive field, and takes a lot of work, so you're just wrong.  Also, you sound like a douchebag, so I hope you get that ticket.

1: "Oink oink."  Yeah, they hate that.

Okay, made it through with only one donut joke.  Seriously, if you're a cop and you pull me over--please don't hold this blog against me!  And to all of you who want me to spell donut like this: "doughnut"; no.  Let us know other terrible responses you can think of, or if you're a police officer, share some of the worst stuff you've heard.  And don't forget to like us on Facebook--we're only 2 away from having 100 likes!


  1. How about "You should be out catching 'real criminals!'"? That doesn't usually go over well either. Or the 22 yo claiming "my parents are going to kill me!". Really?

  2. That first one is typical...