Monday, June 18, 2012

Top 5 Things You Should Probably Stop Singing to Your Kids

Sooz here taking a closer look at those lyrics you sing-talk to your children to get them to sleep.  What are you thinking?  Stop singing these songs immediately!

All fun and games until you can't get up in the morning.  Or ever again.
5: It's Raining, It's Pouring - "...He bumped his head and went to bed and couldn't get up in the morning..."  I'm pretty sure the old man couldn't get up because he probably died from complications of an untreated concussion. What are we teaching children? If it's drizzling out there's really no need to visit the doctor about your head trauma; your hair may get frizzy and you don't want that.

4: Rockabye Baby - "...When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall, and down will come baby..." The poor baby falls out of a tree! How can a kid peacefully drift off to sleep thinking about this? There is a great Simpsons short about this, although I can't find a clip of it so you'll just have to use your imagination.

Well all of my friends were planning on jumping off a bridge so I was planning on going with them...
3: London Bridge - "...Take a key and lock her up, lock her up, lock her up...London Bridge is falling down..."  So we're locking women up now? That's nice. Oh, in a building that you know will soon be falling down? Lovely. That's okay. As long as you sing with a British accent the lyrics don't really matter.

Yolks on you.
2: Humpty Dumpty - "...Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall; Humpty Dumpty had a big fall..."  If you fall off of a wall and break into pieces, there's a reason you can't be put back together. You're dead. Stop playing like anyone can put you back together.

Just wait til you meet all my undead friends!
1: The Itsy Bitsy Spider - "...Down came the rain and washed the spider out, up came the sun and dried up all the rain and the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again."  Okay, here we sort of have the opposite of 2 through 5 as this is the only one in which someone clearly escapes death. Probably the spider smoked a bunch of bath salts before making his climb. But what really comes across to me in this song is how that itsy bitsy spider doesn't die. And if that tiny little guy can't die, then probably no spiders can be killed. No matter what you do, these zombie spiders WILL. NOT. DIE. Sleep tight, little one!

Please stop the nightmares and take these songs out of your repertoire.  And share this with your friends so they can also stop terrorizing their children.  As always, you can stop by our Facebook page, and feel free to click the Like button!  


  1. Ring around the Rosie!!!

  2. Yes! Come, children, let us sing of he horrible plague that will probably kill you and your entire family!

  3. You mentioned "Rain Rain Go Away" but you're actually referring to "It's Raining, It's Pouring."

  4. You're absolutely right--thanks!  Making the correction now.

  5. And what about, "We Stole You at the Mall?" That one's just creepy.

    Well, it WILL be. I haven't finished writing it yet. But the part about "never seeing your real family again" is just disturbing.