Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Top 5 Reasons I Don't Get the Olympics

What am I missing?  Every four years (except really, it's every two years, and really less than that when you consider prep time, etc.) people go batty for the Olympic games.  My understanding is these are the best athletes in the world competing at a variety of sports, proudly representing their nations.  But I don't get it--I just don't see what the big deal is.  Here's why.

5: Baseball.  In 2005, baseball and softball were voted out of the Olympics.  The last sport voted out before that was Polo in the 1930's.  Meanwhile, the Olympics include beach volleyball and a sport where you cross-country ski for a bit then shoot a rifle.  Yeah.  Get rid of baseball. 

4: The events are lobsided against nations.  There are half a dozen nations that will be in the medal running, which isn't fun to follow.  I'm not saying we need parity in the Olympics, but it certainly makes me care a lot less.

3: The events are lobsided against individuals.  The basketball team plays a bunch of games and needs to win all in order to play in the gold medal game.  After winning that, each person on the team gets a gold medal.  Meanwhile, a swimmer, runner, or gymnast could compete in a dozen events for 3 minutes or less at a clip, and have a pocketful of gold medals at the end of each day.  Who's the better Olympian?  

2: The events are stupid.  Not all of them--some are fine.  I think water polo is pretty interesting as a one-off thing, and things like womens' gymnastics or basketball are pretty solid.  But then there's ping pong.  And "modern pentathalon" consisting of horse riding, archery, running, swimming, and shooting a laser tag rifle (no, really).  And "equestrian dressage'--prancing around on horses.  As a sport.  Enough.  At least some stupid ones have been discontinued.

1: I don't care who wins.  I suppose I have pride in my nation, but I honestly don't care whether we have the best swimmer on our side.  I don't see why it matters.  I don't understand why people who aren't normally fans of swimming care either.

Okay, let me have it.  Tell me about how I suck for being a hater.  Or take a minute and explain why you like the Olympics and support your argument.  I'd love for someone to set me straight in the comments.  This might be a good starting place.  And as usual, check us out and like us on Facebook

Monday, July 30, 2012

Top 5 Best Leprechauns

Leprechauns apparently give a pot of gold to whomever is able to catch them.  That explains why they are so  damn elusive (unlike elves, about which we know tons)!  Still, we've learned of enough leprechauns over the years to put together a decent top 5 list, so here it is.

"I ain't got no dukes, old man, only hooves."
5: University of Notre Dame - The mascot of the fighting Irish, this little guy is standing there going "put up your dukes."  Someone needs to remind him that leprechauns are magic.

Least scary of all the scary movie monsters.
4: Leprechaun (from the movie) - This little guy is from the crappy movie.  He's probably the creepiest leprechaun you'll ever see, but the creep-factor is tempered by his ridiculous little outfit.  Yeah, if you see this guy, just beat him up for his gold.

3: Boston Celtics - The outfit really sells me on this guy.  Unlinke the movie leprechaun, this bow tie/vest/hat combo really suits this little boozer.  Points for style, and for being hammered.

Hey kid, want some lucky charms?  Come into my van.  I have puppies too.
2: Lucky Charms - This bastard spent my youth trying to keep folks from getting the delicious freeze-dried marshmallows in his cereal.  He has since mellowed out, and seems to share freely, but that could just mean he's creepier than the movie leprechaun above (but in a totally different, don't-let-him-near-your-kids sorta way).  Personally, I'd be pissed if I caught a leprechaun and got some crummy cereal instead of loot...

Amateur?  No.
1: Mobile, AL Leprechaun - This leprechaun caused quite a stir by hiding in a tree in Alabama.  He was only glimpsed briefly, but luckily the artist's sketch was very detailed, as you can see from the picture above.  Reports that the leprechaun is actually Jason Mraz are being investigated.  (Click here to see the amazing video!)

Can you think of any leprechauns who we left out?  Share in the comments below, along with your thoughts/reactions to the list.  And as always, don't forget to check us out on Facebook where you can like our page to get funny stuff directly in your news feed!

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Top 5 Coolest NBA Logos

The NBA has had some pretty decent logos in its time.  As an homage to the US Olympic team, which is made up of NBA superstars, here's the top 5 NBA logos of all time (and not one is bird themed).

5: Chicago Bulls - The Bulls logo is classic because of the Jordan legacy, but it's also pretty cool in its own right.  It's a mean looking bull.  It's not cartoonish, but it's also not a lifelike rendition--thus, it's the epitome of what a logo should be.  Also, the bull's horns are tipped with red, which I am going to assume is the blood of its opponents, so there's that.

4: Toronto Huskies - Okay, so the Huskies were a BAA team (forerunner of the NBA), but the reason I love their logo is because it looks like it was drawn by a high schooler in the margin of a textbook.  The dog is the best, breathing out a puff of exhaust.  It's like he's saying--don't come to Toronto, it's cold up here (that or, come to Toronto--everyone's high!).

3: Toronto Raptors - Another Toronto team!  The Raptors logo is a Velociraptor in sneakers (with his claws sticking out) and a uniform, dribbling a basketball.  Seriously--would you guard a dinosaur?  I wouldn't.  I don't think LeBron would either.  And although the Raptors are not a direct descendant of the Huskies, they do wear throwback Huskies jerseys a few times per season, which is pretty cool.

2: Boston Celtics - The logo is a leprechaun with a bowler hat and matching vest and bow tie, smoking a pipe, leaning on a stick (calling it a cane would be generous), and balancing a ball on his finger at an impossible angle, thereby proving he is magical.  Plus, I'm pretty sure he's drunk--he can't keep one of his eyes open.

1: Baltimore Bullets - Their logo was ridiculous and would be completely impossible in today's world: a bullet striking a basketball!  'Nuff said.

Go USA!  Bring home the gold!  Or whatever--I don't follow the Olympics.

Share your favorite NBA logos in the comments below, and don't forget to check us out on Facebook!

Friday, July 27, 2012

Top 5 Best "Chef" Shows

Food shows are huge these days, and though I've seen a few lists of the best cooking shows (think Julia Child), I haven't seen any looking only at shows about chefs (a la Restaurant: Impossible).  Of course, it's the job of the Kooz Top 5 to bring you such a list, so here you go:

5: Chopped - This show pisses me off so much, I've ranted about it on this blog.   Conceptually, it's pretty good.  Four chefs have a set amount of time to use a mystery box of ingredients to make an appetizer, after which a panel of judges tastes the app and chooses one chef to send home.  The process is repeated for a main course, then finally for a dessert, after which one of the remaining two chefs is crowned the winner and given $10,000.  Simple and straightforward, the only problems with the show are those I ranted about.   Just go read the rant, we'll wait.

4: Hell's Kitchen - Chef Gordon Ramsey is a whore for television shows, which he abuses to rake in cash and subsidize his fine dining establishments.  That said, though his shows are incredibly formulaic, they are entertaining as hell.  In Hell's Kitchen, contestants are chefs from a wide range of backgrounds who compete over the season to become head chef in one of Ramsey's restaurants.   It becomes immediately apparent that most can't cook and are socially inept, so the show is really about the drama.  The best part of the show is waiting to hear what obnoxious name Ramsey thinks up to call the biggest idiot of the night.

3: MasterChef - Another Ramsey show, this shows pits amateur chefs against each other in a season-long contest for the *meaningless* MasterChef trophy and the *meaningless* title, MasterChef.  The show is fun because of the personalities of the people, who are considerably less dysfunctional and somehow, more talented) than the actual chefs on Hell's Kitchen.  There are a few heartwarming stories, some jerks to root against, etc.  The challenges are sometimes interesting too, such as a barbecue for 100 cowboys or a dinner party for 100 kids. It's a fun, no-brain-use show.

2: Iron Chef - We're talking about the original Japanese version. The one where you can't help but love Chen Kenichi and hate Bobby Flay's pathetic appearance against Morimoto.  It's a brilliant concept--there are a few "Iron Chefs"--chefs with legendary talent.   A challenger gets to choose an Iron Chef to compete against in Kitchen Stadium--complete with fans, judges, an announcer, and an on-field (?) reporter.  The contestants have an hour to use a mystery ingredient in as many fine dining dishes as they want, after which the judges rate them on various categories and a winner is chosen.  The American version is sloppier and less interesting, but still pretty good.

1: Top Chef - This is the only show on the list to (1) seamlessly combine cooking with "reality" television, and (2) take itself seriously.  Top Chef is always a good show (Top Chef Masters too), with interesting people who can cook really well.  The judges aren't nuts, the tasks aren't stupid, and the show really is about cooking as much as it is about the personalities of the contestants. Plus, Gail Simmons is hot.

Agree?  Disagree?   Argue it out in the comments below, and don't forget to like us on Facebook and share us with Twitter!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Top 5: Review of Ferrante Restaurant

For the birth of our second son, my wife and I received a gift certificate to a local Italian restaurant, Ferrante, in Stamford, CT.  Last night, we finally used it, giving rise to today's top 5: a review of the restaurant.   (This is our first real review, something we will do on occasion.   It will not be a typical food review though. You'll see.)

5: Awesome pizza.   Since we had the gift card, I wanted to get a variety of foods to determine whether we would ever come back.  I love pizza, so the first order was an easy choice.  I almost ordered a hot oil pizza (which seems to be a Stamford staple, but which I haven't seen elsewhere), but was talked into ordering a four cheese pie (note, it was technically "quattro formaggio," but I'm using the English names here).  Great call!  This style pizza typically uses four similar cheeses, so there's no discernible flavor difference.  Ferrante's pie, however, added Swiss and Gorgonzola.  Amazing.  Best thing we ordered all night!

4: Other food.  The mushroom risotto, though good, not great, was something I'd probably get again.  We ordered it as an app to share, and they brought us each our own full bowl.  This was good since our actual entrees were tiny.  I ordered ravioli in a pesto, she got pasta bolognese.  Mine turned out to be five of the thinnest ravioli I've ever seen, which were the same texture as the tasteless, one-note sauce.  Hers was better, it had decent flavor and was cooked well, but wasn't spectacular.

I understand bugs getting in there, but what was this?  And come on, clean it out!
3: Decor. The place looked nice, but neither of us cared to learn what kind of bird must have flown into and died in the light fixture next to us.  (See photo above.)

2: Waiting.  There were two covers in the restaurant, and a party in a private room.  The party was over 30 minutes after we arrived, and the other table was eating already when we walked in.   We didn't get bread on our table until 20 minutes in, waited a total of 40 minutes from ordering to get apps, and didn't get entrees until about an hour and 15 minutes after arriving.  Remember, there was one other table, and they were done ordering by the time we sat.  There were times when we were just sitting, watching our waiter and the maitre d' wander around doing, essentially, nothing.  So frustrating.

1: Sex, sex.   Toward the end of the meal, during another long wait and a pause in the conversation, my wife looked up at me quizzically.   I started to ask what was up, but she shushed me and said, "listen."  The music was generic smooth jazz, then I heard it: a woman's voice randomly and lustily whispering "sex, sex" over the music.  We both burst out laughing.  Easily the funniest moment of the night.  (Listen to the clip above and see if you can hear it.)  Bizarre...

So... It's hard to say whether I'd go back. Probably not, since Stamford benefits from being so close to Manhattan by having some pretty great restaurants. The food here just wasn't consistent enough, and the service was way too slow.

 Anyone out there ever been to Ferrante? Anyone had similar experiences? Anyone know where I can get a copy of the sex song? Share your comments below, and don't forget to check us out and like us on Facebook!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Top 5 Things About Sherman Hemsley

The beloved Sherman Hemsley has moved on up to that deluxe apartment in the sky.  In the man's memory, here are the top 5 things I think of when I think of Sherman Hemsley.

5: The Surreal Life - Remember this show?  Bet you wish you didn't.  Hemsley was in the final season, season 6, with almost no other celebrities, save Florence Henderson.  It was clearly a place he didn't belong, but I still remember him being there--at least he was the biggest name on the marquee!

4: Dinosaurs - This was a terrible show about the working lives of a family of dinosaurs.  Really, it was bad, but I was 15, so I watched it for a few episodes. Hemsley played the mean boss of the family's father, and he played it well, considering that he was essentially voice acting for a guy in a fat lizard suit.

3: Family Guy - Hemsley did a voice for Family Guy, which is always a cool feather in the cap.

2: The Twilight Zone - The 1985 iteration of this series is completely forgettable with one exception--a half episode called I of Newton, starring Hemsley as a mathematician in a battle of logic with the Devil, played by  Ron Glass.  It is well-written and well-played by both actors.  Outside of the obvious #1 below, this is my strongest memory of Hemsley.  (Watch it in full above!)

1: George Jeffersons - It is impossible to think about the man without considering his role as George Jefferson.  The Jeffersons was a ground-breaking television show, and George remains one of the most vivid and developed characters in tv history.  How much of a cultural impact did George Jefferson make, you ask?  Well, the character was reprised on five separate television shows: All In The Family, E/R, The Jeffersons, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and House of Payne.

May his family take comfort in knowing that he brought joy to millions and tore down walls.  In life, he finally got a piece of the pie.  Share your thoughts on the passing of Sherman Hemsley in the comments below.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Top 5 Foods Introduced in the 1960's

I am always shocked to learn that foods that I grew up with are relatively recent developments. Keep reading to see what I mean, and remember--there are people walking around who remember a world without the following foodstuffs.

5: Pop Tarts - Okay, so they taste like two pieces of cardboard with week-old jam stuffed in between, but if you grew up in the 80's (or 70's, I presume, and 60's, I guess--but not any earlier, as these were developed in 1964), you ate these breakfast treats like they were going out of style. They also made great trade-bait in the schoolyard.

4: Life Cereal - Maybe I'm crazy, but I think Life cereal is really good. If it were a bit less bad for me, I'd eat it all the time. And while I choose to stick with Cheerios, at least I have a choice--before 1961, Life cereal didn't exist.

3: Hot Wings - Created in Buffalo in 1964 as a way to market otherwise inedible bits of chicken, hot wings have become a staple in bars nationwide. It is unknown whether either sports bars or football existed before the development of the hot wing.

2: Chicken Sandwich - First put together in 1964. Seriously? The chicken sandwich? Nobody put chicken on a roll before then? Well, according to foodtimeline.org, maybe someone did, but the (very homophobic) Chick-Fil-A is credited with bringing it to the nation. Thanks Chick-Fil-A, and too bad you are so bizarrely concerned with what people choose to do with their own lives.

1: High Fructose Corn Syrup - Yeah, that "other" sweetener was developed in 1967 and brought joy and cavities to millions of children as sugar prices rose and soda makers started using this instead.

Crazy, right? A world without the chicken sandwich! Do you have any thoughts about this? Do you remember these things not existing? Share your thoughts below, and don't forget to follow us on Facebook by liking our page!

Monday, July 23, 2012

Top 5: Doctor Who Themed Knick-Knacks

Doctor Who is simply a fantastic show (we have it as the best time travel tv show and among the best sci-fi shows of the past 25 years).  It also has a lot of fun characters and cool gadgets, which have spawned countless toys and other tchotchkes.  Here's our favorite recent Doctor Who-themed goodies!

5: Cyberman Shower Radio - If you've ever wanted to have a Cyberman in the shower, then this is for you. If not, then it probably isn't--but it still picks up local radio stations *without* telling you you'll be deleted.

4: Plush Adipose - An Adipose is a cute little guy made of fat. This one is made of cotton and polyester.

3: TARDIS Cookie Jar - It's just a cookie jar, but it looks--and sounds(!)--like our favorite Time and Relative Dimension in Space craft. When you're reaching for that last Oreo, you'll be hoping it's bigger on the inside too!

2: Desktop Patrol Dalek - This Dalek will roll around your desk [usually] without falling off. It also screams, "Exterminate!" at every turn.

1: Sonic Screwdriver Universal Remote Control - This is a replica of the current Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver, but the cool thing is it actually works! It has multiple settings so you can program it to turn on your television, change channels, record shows, etc., all with a flick of the wrist--literally!

So before you say it, yes, this is a nerd blog at heart.  We promise not to run off a half dozen Star Trek themed posts in a row, but don't expect us to fall too far from our geeky roots!  Like it, hate it, know of other cool Doctor Who stuff?  Let us know in the comments below, and like our page on Facebook to be one of the cool kids.  Or not.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Top 5 Rules for Walking in New York

New York City is fantastic--lots to do, lots to see, and lots to eat.  Naturally it attracts visitors.  But, all visitors should have a primer on how to walk through the streets of Manhattan.  I'm here to provide just such a primer.

5: Umbrellas.  Learn how to use them.  Seriously.  If it isn't raining, they shouldn't be open.  If it is, they shouldn't prevent you from walking normal speed.  Also, get a sense of where your umbrella begins and ends.

4: Stairs.  If you step off an escalator or come out of a stairwell, the proper thing to do is keep moving, not stand there until you figure out which direction you need to go.  Every second you stand there gazing aimlessly into the bright lights is a second closer the people behind you are getting to murder.

3: Pay attention to stop lights.  You may look up and see a "don't walk" sign flashing.  But look at the stop lights--if cars that would otherwise hit you are stopped at a red light, and cars going the same direction as you have a green light (not an arrow, but a green light)--go!  The pedestrian lights are a few steps behind the traffic lights.

2: Ignore "don't walk" signs.  If you are at a corner and there is a "don't walk" sign, but there are no cars in sight, just go.

1: Treat it like driving.  You wouldn't stop your car in the middle of the street to look around.  No, you'd pull over first.  Same thing applies--the streets here are filled with busy people frantically trying to get to and from work.  When you just stop it causes a traffic jam behind you.  Just don't do it.

You're welcome, fellow New Yorkers.

Come like us on Facebook for daily funnies, and don't forget to leave your comments below!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Top 5 Things I am Bad at Doing in the Dark

Sooz checking in today with another installment of the electricity chronicles. This time the power went out at night, and while I did all of my usual stupid blackout activities, I also got to discover a bunch of new things that I am incapable of.

So here they are, the top 5 things I am bad at doing in the dark. (Get your mind out of the gutter!)

5. Stairs.

4. Eating food without getting some on my clothes.

3. Getting toothpaste onto my toothbrush.

2. Changing diapers.

Get it? You can't see in the dark!
1. Finding a flashlight.

Upon rereading I've realized this post is pretty negative so I'm going to try to turn this around a bit. Here are the top 5 things I am GOOD at doing in the dark!

5. Tripping on the stairs.
4. Spilling food on my clothes.
3. Getting toothpaste on the counter.
2. Um...not changing diapers?
1. Hiding flashlights.

I'm not sure that helped. But anyway, how about you? What are you good at doing when it is pitch black? Let us know below!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Top 5 British Slang Terms for Genitals

Brits use a lot of slang words and phrases that are completely unused in the U.S. Some of the best colloquialisms refer to genitalia. Here are our favorites (safe for work):

5: Dobber - I like this one because it reminds me of Dobby, the hideous little elf in Harry Potter. A dobber is the male member. JK Rowling is British, so presumably, she knew the meaning of dobber and still chose that name for her elf. Awesome.

4: Bell End - Named for the part of the male anatomy that looks like a bell on the end of a stick.

3: Fanny - We use it in the U.S. to mean "butt" or "ass" (that's "bum" or "arse" for you UK fans). But British women don't sit on their fanny, they birth babies from it.

2: John Thomas - The US equivalent might be Johnson, but isn't John Thomas so much better? If someone's fly is open, you could mention that it looks like John Thomas is in business to discreetly notify the person.

1: Gentleman Sausage - This one is obvious. It's also hilarious. It's half serious and proper, half ridiculous, and fully perfect.

There are so many more--what are your favorites? Let us know below, and check us out on Facebook for the usual ridiculous antics.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Top 5 Worst Things About Cable TV Companies

How bad is cable television?  Bad enough that on each cable company's own message board you can find hundreds of threads of people complaining about poor service, and the cable companies are so aloof, they haven't even removed the messages!  I've spent years struggling against cable companies, and here's what I've found to be most egregious.

Pretty soon we'll be back to this.  Oh, wait, we can't go back--everything is digital now.

5: DVR - The DVR is not a bad thing conceptually. In fact, it's revolutionizing the way we watch tv. But cable company DVRs are awful. They inexplicably stop recording shows, their menus are confusing, and their playback is shoddy at best. Of course, if you get yourself a TiVo, your cable company may change in such a way to turn your TiVo into an expensive brick.

4: Fighting With Content Providers - Every few years the contracts that your cable company has with content providers expires, and they enter into new negotiations.  Neither side wants to give, so although you are paying for full cable tv, you suddenly lose 20 channels.   In their place you get ads complaining that the content provider is being greedy and wants your money.  The content provider also runs ads saying the cable company is greedy and wants your money.   Who is harmed?   You--they cut services you've already paid for.  What's your recourse?  Nothing.

3: Bad Customer Service - Call to complain about any problem on this list and two things will happen--first, you'll spend a lot of time on hold, calling different numbers, and explaining your situation over and over as you get transferred from person to person; and second, nothing will change.

2: Old Technology - I can open an iPad, connect to Netflix, and watch half a show, all in the time it takes my cable box to realize my remote told it to go up one channel.   These cable companies use technology from the 90s, and there's nothing we can do about it because it's the lowest common denominator.

1: Monopoly - It isn't really a monopoly, but perhaps the worst thing about cable tv companies is that you have no real recourse.  You can go to satellite, or go to a different provider (if that's even an option, which it usually isn't), but that's like shuffling deck chairs on the Titanic--you aren't getting anywhere.   Sure, you can dump cable altogether, but until Netflix starts getting more good movies and a fuller range of tv shows, you'd better plan on finding non-television things to do.

Are you sick of your cable company?  How about satellite--same thing, right?   Well, feel free to unload in the comments below.  But know this--it won't help.  We are powerless.

Check out the Kooz Top 5 on Facebook where we bring you the funny on a daily basis!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Top 5 Things My Son Likes at a Nature Center

Sooz is in today.  Therapy only 5 cents.  (What ever happened to the cent symbol?)

We are lucky enough to live near a nature center which I sometimes take my son to.  It has plenty of farm animals and even some exotic rescued animals like giant tortoises and iguanas.  But don't be silly, the animals aren't my son's favorite attractions.  Below are the top five things he has been overjoyed to see.

If you see a clown face in there, walk away!
5. Sewer drain - "There's water in there!"  Yes, and there's a cow over there!  Not interested.

4. Hose - Yup, a regular, run-of-the-mill garden hose.

Funky, funky.
3. Cantaloupe - Although in my opinion, this is the money fruit (sorry honeydew), when a very cool blue and orange rainforest tree frog is right next to it, the amphibian should get the attention.

Is O.J. Simpson a farmer now?
2. Trucks - On the drive to the farm I asked my son what we would see there.  "Trucks."  But of course.

Sweep the leg, Johnny.

1. Someone sweeping - I understand that this is a novelty since he never sees this happen at home, but there was an alligator and a tarantula there too!

Do you also think these things are more interesting than farm animals?  Tell us below!  And don't forget to visit us on Facebook and tell your friends to "like" us!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Top 5 Things My 2 1/2 Year Old Says

When my son "TJ" was 2, we went over my favorite things he said.  He's grown up a lot in the past several months and has a whole new set of funny quotes.

TJ isn't his real name, but whatever.  Here he is driving a bulldozer.

5: Us: [singing I've Been Workin' On The Railroad]
Me: "Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah; someone's in the kitchen I know..."
Him: "Someone's in the kitchen with Ted."
Me: "Who's Ted?"
Him: [laughs]

4: Him: "Mommy will buy a pillow and then TJ will lay his head on it."

3: Him: "If you put snow on a stick, they call it a snow stick."
Me: "Okay."

2: Him: [taking his socks off] "Going to look at my feet."
My Wife: "Okay, but then you will say your feet are cold, so think before you take off your socks."
Him: "Then we will put them on again and then we will laugh."
[---long pause---]
Him: "Laugh, mommy!"

1: Him: [passing gas]
Me: "Are you going potty?"
Him: "No, just a popping sound from my bum."

He's a kid, but he cracks me up.  Any funny quotes from your kids (and for those of you who commented last time--anything new to report)?  Share below, and check us out on Facebook where you can "like" our page and make us happy!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Top 5 Bird Logos in Sports

There are a lot of sports teams named after birds.  Some are bad-ass birds, like falcons or eagles.  Others are, well, mighty ducks...  Here's our take on the 5 best bird logos of all time from the 4 big sports (MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL):

5: Toronto Blue Jays - Always liked the retro feel of this Blue Jays logo.  And of course, Blue Jays are known for winning, so it's a great choice.  Or are they known for being Canadian?  Not sure...

4: Seattle Seahawks - Very clean, crisp logo.  Comes in two colors--blue and green.  Is it just me, or does the bird look more weary than angry?

3: St. Louis Hawks - Well this one was short-lived, but dig the hawk, he's just about to juke you!  Seriously, this is a good logo for a Division 2 college team, but this was pro!  (Decades ago, but still...)

2: Pittsburgh Penguins - The gentle, docile penguin is a monster on the ice.  Look at his eyebrow--he's angry!  And check out the cut of his jib--he's buff!  

1: Baltimore Orioles - There's always been something pretty damn awesome about this cartoon bird and his over-sized bat.  He's going to strike out, because he's on the Orioles, but it's still pretty neat.  Although, he's wearing shoes, but not pants--what the f***!!!

Neither of the cardinals made it (St. Louis, MLB; Arizona, NFL), but there was too much competition and it's a strong list.  What bird logos am I missing?  Yeah, a bunch of college ones, but what else?  Hit me with your comments below, and check us out on Facebook where we try to make you laugh...