Thursday, September 27, 2012

Top 5 Things to Avoid Saying to Your Girlfriend

Guys--here's a tip--read this in full, quietly, to yourself, then never speak these phrases aloud.

Don't be this guy.
5: When she brings up anything about how you don't pay enough attention to her, do not gesture to the t.v. and say: "Shh...  Football."  I'll note for the record that "shh..." followed by anything is pretty bad, but paired with football, it's the worst.

4: The phrase: "my mom said you'd say that," will always result in a night on the couch.

3: No matter what the question, the answer is never: "it was only physical--I don't love her like I love you."

2: When asked, "does this dress make me look fat?"  Never answer: "yes, that dress does make you look fat."  Avoid any permutation of this, such as: "no, your fat ass makes you look fat," or "no, no fatter than usual."

1: The statement, "sorry I was late--I was engrossed in trolling the internet for porn," will not excite her as much as it did you, unless you are unusually lucky.

Well guys, hope this helps.  Keep your woman happy, and keep following the Kooz Top 5!


  1. LOL "no, no fatter than usual"
    Also, don't ever compare her to your wife. That'll start a lot of trouble.