Monday, October 8, 2012

Top 5 Reasons I'm Going to Screw Up My Kid

Jes is back with a new Top 5 for y'all:

...or at least my kid will be...
As the last two months of my first pregnancy tick by I have started reflecting on what kind of parent I want/hope to be what I plan on accepting and what I will not tolerate.  While I'm 100% sure that every single one of my goals and expectations of being a parent will change the minute I actually hold my child, I figured it would be fun to share my pre-baby reasons why I'm pretty sure I'm gonna screw my kid up.

5. 95% of what I currently have for my kid is second hand and probably will be for the next 18 months to 18 years.  The crib, the pack 'n play, the high chair, 95% of the clothes... I just have not been able to justify spending money on a kid that (a) isn't here yet, and (b) is gonna grow out of most of this stuff in a matter of months.  So far the only thing I have purchased new is an outfit to bring the little one home in.  Everything else I have pretty much scavenged from my brother and other friends whose kids have out grown stuff.

4. If my kid is a picky eater it is going to starve to death.  I grew up in a family with 4 kids and 2 adults.  Guess what... if i didn't like what mom cooked and made a fuss... I went to bed hungry.

3. Children's music and TV annoy the bejesus out of me.  There will be no Dora or Caillou or Yo Gabba Gabba on the TV in my house.   As far as music goes - my kid will be listening to the likes of Live, Simon and Garfunkel, and Gypsy Kings.  The only exception to this rule shall be classic Disney & The Wiggles. (Mike & Nicole Carlon, I blame you two for this sad strange obsession I have with the Wiggles.)

2. I despise the most recent generation of kids toys.   I can barely work my touch screen cell phone.   While eventually my kid will be able to out tech me, until they are able to afford such computerized devices on their own they will be given a stick and a piece of string and told to go out side and entertain themselves.

1. The sound of a child crying eats at my soul.  I love other peoples kids.  As long as they are happy.  I could hold and play with a happy baby all day.  However, for the past 10 years, the sound of a child crying has prompted me to quickly return it to its parent and go outside to either smoke a cigarette or imbibe in an adult beverage while the parent sees to caring for their child.  Just ask my 3 year old nieces about the only rule at Auntie Jes' house and they will tell you - "no crying."

So what do you think--am I doomed?  Let me know in the comments below, and don't forget to check out our Facebook page and "like" it...

1 comment:

  1. Terrifying. I'll just stick to the dog.

    ReplyDelete