A little over two years ago, Guy Fieri was the subject of a New York Times article titled: "Guy Fieri, Chef-Dude, Is in the House." Like the lame title suggests, the article raved about Guy's ability to connect with people of all stripes. But, oh how the mighty have fallen. On Tuesday, the NY Times' Pete Wells set out to do a restaurant review of Guy's new joint (Guy's American Kitchen & Bar in Times Square), but decided to take a big shit on the Food Network star instead. His review, composed entirely of questions, is the most scathing restaurant review we've ever read. Here are the five most brutal questions--aimed at Guy--from the review.
5: What exactly about a small salad with four or five miniature croutons makes Guy's Famous Big Bite Caesar (a) big (b) famous or (c) Guy's, in any meaningful sense?
4: How ... did Rhode Island's supremely unhealthy and awesomely good fried calamari--dressed with garlic butter and pickled hot peppers--end up in your restaurant as a plate of pale, unsalted squid rings next to a dish of mayonnaise with a distant rumor of spice?
3: When you saw the burger described as "Guy's Pat LaFrieda custom blend, all-natural Creekstone Farm Black Angus beef patty, LTOP (lettuce, tomato, onion + pickle), SMC (super-melty-cheese) and a slathering of Donkey Sauce on garlic-buttered brioche," did your mind touch the void for a minute?
2: Were you struck by how very far from awesome the Awesome Pretzel Chicken Tenders are?
1: Did you notice that the menu was an unreliable predictor of what actually came to the table?
It gets worse for Guy. The Times' review brought back to light a New York Observer review from early October in which Fieri is called a villain and accused of crimes against humanity. I don't rank him among my most hated chefs, but obviously there's some contempt for this guy (get it? "guy"!). What do you think? Let us know below, and find us on Facebook for more good stuff!
THIS JUST IN: Guy strikes back.