Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Top 5 Last Minute Voting Tips

Okay, it's time to pick our next President.  Excited?  I'll bet you are.  You're the person who's been filling up my Facebook feed with witty attacks on Romney/Obama and clever out-of-context verbal juxtapositions to make the candidates appear to hold views that we all know they don't hold.  After today, it's back to clogging my feed with pictures of cats, but for now, you're getting ready to vote!  Here are some last minute helpful tips for beginners and old-timers alike!

5: Vodka makes choosing easier.  Be honest with yourself, you didn't take the time to really inform yourself about the issues.  You watched one debate for a few minutes, and you read a lot of tweets about how bad Romney and Obama are.  You've heard Biden's laugh.  You know Obamacare is a thing, and you've heard about global warming and tax returns, but you have no real clue what's going on.  Drink vodka.  You'll have a much clearer picture of what to do when you get into the voting booth.  Booze has a way of demystifying the process.  And think back, when have you ever made a bad decision while drunk?

4: Read the ballot.  If you are in a state that doesn't realize the world is digital, and you need to punch a hole in a ballot, read the damn ballot.  If there's an arrow pointing from a person's name to a "chad," and that's the person you want to vote for, then that's the chad you punch out.  And don't leave it hangin,' bro!

3: Your vote counts!  In a handful of states...

2: You can bring your toddlers into the voting booth with you.  Seriously, it's a law--don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  Though it's generally frowned upon to allow your toddler to do the voting.

1: Don't vote!  We in the U.S. are privileged to live in a country where we are free to exercise our freedoms, including our right to vote.  Yes, men and women have died fighting for that right and protecting that right, but as long as this country remains free, you are free to sit on your ass all day and choose not to exercise your right to vote.  But, be prepared for attacks from people who think you're un-American for not voting, and tell you that if you don't vote, you can't complain (and who thereby miss the point of freedom entirely).  They are wrong.

I'll be voting for...  Well, I'll keep that to myself.  If you have any questions regarding voting, please call the non-profit, non-partisan Election Protection at 866-OUR-VOTE.  They can help with questions you have or issues you've come across.  Let us know your thoughts on voting or the election below, and don't forget to find us on Facebook and like our page!


  1. Reflecting on the last sentence in number 5, the phrase " She can apologize to my dick!" Comes to mind.

  2. Hilarious! That was just one of many things the last sentence in number 5 applies to...

  3. By the way, any way to find records of who received write-in votes?

  4. I'll give you the tri-state area, since that's where I am. In NJ, anyone can write-in any eligible candidate, but votes will only be tabulated if there are enough to contest the election. In CT, the candidate needs to file a form to be eligible, In NY, the candidate must submit a certificate of candidacy. Check out more here (info is old, but probably still good): http://writein2008.blogspot.com/

  5. Couldn't agree more with #1. Well said.

  6. Love this top 5. Vodka would take the sting out of voting for either candidate, considering both are as worthless as they are.