Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Top 5 Laws for When I Rule the World

Jes here, back with another string of thoughts...  Seriously...even if I never rule the world someone should try and enact these laws.

5. Since I'm only human and can't do everything there will still be minor political offices.  However they will not be allowed to run attack ads.  Instead, political candidates will only be allowed to talk about what they are going to do and how they are going to do it.  Anyone caught bad mouthing their opponent will be forced to withdraw from the race and publicly vote for the opponent they bad mouthed.

4. There will be no mention/advertising of any holiday prior to the completion of the holiday that immediately precedes it.  EXAMPLE: No Thanksgiving until after Halloween, no Christmas until after Thanksgiving, no Easter until after Valentine's Day...  The only exception to this rule will be that New Years can be mentioned prior to Christmas, however, not before December 1st.

3. All retailers with more than 5 employees will be required to be closed from 12:01 a.m. Thanksgiving morning until 11:59 p.m. Thanksgiving night.  EXAMPLE: Walmart would not be allowed to start its Black Friday sale until Friday instead of 8 p.m. on Thanksgiving.  As if they weren't already guilty of treating their employees like crap this is the new low they have sunk to.  The only exception to this rule shall be gas stations, and they must close between the hours of 11 a.m. and 4 p.m. unless it is the owner working.

2. Hollywood must wait at least 50 years before they can remake a movie.  EXAMPLE: The Twilight series cannot be remade until 2058.  Lets be honest, remakes that happen less than 50 years after the first movie are just lacking.  Except for Ocean's 11.  I will say having seen both of that the George Clooney/Brad Pitt one is better.  But there are 41 years between versions...

1. Reality TV will be limited to one show per concept.  EXAMPLE: Top Chef vs. The Next Iron Chef; both shows have 10-15 chefs competing for who is the best chef.  Since Top Chef was first there will be no Next Iron Chef.  The Voice, X-Factor, American Idol... all these shows are about singers trying to win a record contract.  It's overkill.  Only one will be allowed to be broadcast.  Finally, Real Housewives... how many versions of this show are there?  For real...dear god, half the women on these shows aren't even housewives--they're single moms or unmarried.  It's absolutely ridiculous.

Follow these guidelines and you'll do just fine when I'm in charge.  In the meantime, find and like us on Facebook, and drop us a note below.


  1. I love how people are blaming Walmart for coming up with the idea for the 8pm thing. They did it because Sears announced it first, and Walmart wasn't going to be outdone.

    Great article, nice to see that under your rule, we'll have far better ideas than what we have now.

  2. Jes, I completely agree with your comments. Great post! Thanks for adding your thoughts to the KT5!