Friday, December 14, 2012

Top 5 Reasons The Elf on the Shelf Better Watch His Ass

Yeah, I'm talking to you, Elf.  I've had my eye on you, and you can consider this your one warning before I go back to Santa and let him know all the naughty things YOU've been spotted doing on Facebook.  Here are the top 5 places I better not find you again.

5: Lounging in a pair of Underoos that are inexplicably hanging on a Christmas Tree.

4: Slumped over next to a bottle of mysteriously dwindling whiskey.

3: Watching me sleep.  Creep.

2: Defecating on cookies. (Hint: stay away from the Peanut Butter Blossoms this year, folks)

1: Perched on the edge of a toilet tank with a direct sight line to the shower.

All true.  That creepy little bugger fills my Facebook feed this time of year, and people are getting way too creative.  Have you seen him in any strange places?  Notice, although there are plenty of real jobs for hard-working elves, you never see him doing anything.  Let us know below; and while you're scouring Facebook for the Elf on the Shelf, press the like button on our page.


  1. Ahahahhahahaha so true

  2. I'm so worried, because Lisa really wants to get one. *sigh*

  3. We did the elf for Tristan, who names him "Kitchen," then told me it's not a real elf, it's just a boy pretending to be an elf; there's no such thing as real elves. Clever boy. He's 2.

  4. This is the first year I've ever heard of the "Elf on the Shelf." Sufficiently unsettling.

  5. Yeah, consider yourself lucky!