Monday, December 10, 2012

Top 5 Worst "Days of Christmas" Gifts

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... First, there's only one day of Christmas; stop trying to steal Hanukkah's thunder.  Second, have you listened to yourself?   Based on most of those gifts, that is not your "true love."  For example:

Paging Mr. P. W. Herman; Mr. P. W. Herman you have a telephone call.
5: 4 calling birds - I am not sure if a "calling bird" is a specific species, but in my head, it's a bird, screeching, calling for its friends.   And lucky you, you get 4 of them.

And I'm sure this process emits no odors either.
4: 6 geese a laying - Messy.  Where, exactly, should I put these 6 geese while they're pounding out their eggs?

3: 11 pipers piping - Annoying!  Twelve idiots running around with pan flutes making noise--not music, noise.

2: 12 drummers drumming - This is what you buy for someone you hate.  Sort of like getting a drum set for a kid who isn't yours.

This guy and nine of his best friends.
1: 10 lords a-leaping - Unless they're Time Lords, I can't imagine ever wanting this.   Ever.  (At least with the others, you can show people your pretty birds or play the noise off as "music.")

Of course, you can say--and people would agree--that these things are balanced by the gifts of 9 ladies dancing and 5 gold rings, but that's a judgment call.  Tell us what you think in the comments, and don't forget to find us on Facebook and like out page!


  1. Is it five gold rings or five golden rings? That's my question. And where's the one to rule them all?

  2. I say it's "golden" rings, because trying to spread the word "gold" over two syllables just sounds like the work of an amateur lyricist. Unfortunately, the quality of those rings becomes dubious as a result. Golden is to Gold as Cheez is to Cheese.

  3. But, yeah, from my (limited) research, the original lyrics include "gold" rather than "golden."