Friday, September 28, 2012

Top 5 Breakfast Sandwiches

There are a lot of online lists of the best breakfast sandwiches, advising you which restaurants host signature eggplant-infused snapper and caper on thin-sliced gougeres, but here at the Kooz Top 5, we keep it simple.  Here's our take on the best breakfast sandwiches you can find anywhere in the contiguous 48.

5: McGriddle - Two maple syrup-infused griddle cakes envelope eggs, bacon, and cheese to give you a little piece of heaven in the morning.  Granted, the syrup is technically "maple flavoring" and McDonald's isn't exactly known for the quality of its ... anything, but the ingredients combine perfectly in the McGriddle, regardless of whatever they are.  As fast food mornings go, it's the best.

4: Bagel with Cream Cheese, Lox, and Onions - Start with a good New York bagel.  Toast it and add cream cheese (always a winner) and top it with lox (smoked salmon) and sliced onions (and capers if you've got 'em).  For you lox lovers, this sandwich could be number 1!

3: Plain Buttered Roll - Sometimes, you want to keep it simple. This barely qualifies (some would say it doesn't) as a sandwich, but it certainly qualifies as a delicious start to your day.  It's a kaiser roll sliced and buttered.  That's it.  Every cart in Manhattan sells these for a buck every morning.  It's a great "grab and go" food!

2: Steak and Eggs - Add some sliced or chopped sirloin to some scrambled eggs, toss in a generous amount of horseradish cream, and put the whole concoction on a toasted potato roll, croissant, or even a bagel.  It's often marketed as a manly sandwich (because eggs without steak are wimpy?) but it's perfect for everyone.  Except vegans; vegans shouldn't eat this.

1: Bacon, Egg, and Cheese on a Hard Roll - All hail the king of breakfast sandwiches.  All other breakfast sandwiches shall bow before him.  Two (or three, if you're hungry) fried eggs with a slice or two of American cheese folded and melting on a toasted hard roll with a couple strips of crispy bacon tossed in.  One bite and the molten cheese, salty, crunchy bacon, and fresh egg set the tone for a great day.  There is nothing better in the morning.

I can tell you one thing for certain--if you are watching your cholesterol, this list changes drastically.  But if you are healthy or just don't care, you can't do any better.  Share your take on the perfect breakfast sandwich below, and find us on Facebook to share us with friends and show us some love!

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Top 5 Things to Avoid Saying to Your Girlfriend

Guys--here's a tip--read this in full, quietly, to yourself, then never speak these phrases aloud.

Don't be this guy.
5: When she brings up anything about how you don't pay enough attention to her, do not gesture to the t.v. and say: "Shh...  Football."  I'll note for the record that "shh..." followed by anything is pretty bad, but paired with football, it's the worst.

4: The phrase: "my mom said you'd say that," will always result in a night on the couch.

3: No matter what the question, the answer is never: "it was only physical--I don't love her like I love you."

2: When asked, "does this dress make me look fat?"  Never answer: "yes, that dress does make you look fat."  Avoid any permutation of this, such as: "no, your fat ass makes you look fat," or "no, no fatter than usual."

1: The statement, "sorry I was late--I was engrossed in trolling the internet for porn," will not excite her as much as it did you, unless you are unusually lucky.

Well guys, hope this helps.  Keep your woman happy, and keep following the Kooz Top 5!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Top 5 Things Kids Love About the Rain

We've got rain on the brain here at the Kooz Top 5.  We've already been over the Top 5 Reasons to Love the Rain, but this one's geared towards the kid in you.  Here's the top 5 reasons kids love the rain, and maybe you do too!

And now I'm thirsty.

5. Teaching opportunities - The other day I tried to explain to my two and a half year old about how the rain gives us water to drink. "Yeah, like the sink and the refrigerator" was his reply. Hmm. Okay, well that water actually comes from the rain and lakes and underground... "and restaurants" he said.  Right. Lesson over.  But someday he might learn something!

Probably searching for a princess.

4. Rain gear - They make the cutest rain stuff for kids. My son has one rain coat covered in dinosaurs and another that looks like he is headed to a business meeting in London.  And let's talk about galoshes:  adorable! Plus they cut down on the amount of ick that gets onto your child's clothes while they frolic in the next two items on the list.  Not to mention the word "galoshes" is extremely fun to say.  Go on, say it.

So puddly.

3. Puddles - They are fun to jump in, splash in, and throw things in. As I kid I remember making some amazing potions by using a stick to mix leaves and pebbles into the giant puddle on my corner.

Always watch where you step.

2. Mud - As much fun as puddles, but with so much more mess, which obviously moves it up on the list.

Umbrellas: Might as well be this
1. Umbrellas - Look at that one above #4.  It looks like a frog, with eyeballs that stick out of the top!  How is that not fun?  And the real reason children love umbrellas?  Because they are so rarely allowed to hold an object that can so quickly be turned into a dangerous weapon.

What was your favorite thing thing about the rain when you were a kid?  We'd love to know, so tell us in the comments below!  And don't forget to like us on Facebook, if you haven't already.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Top 5: Worst Rainbow Colors

You may remember Roy G. Biv as part of the trio that brought us Motown Philly.  If so, you're way off.   Roy G. Biv is an acronym for the colors of a rainbow.  After great thought and much deliberation, we bring you the top 5 worst colors of a rainbow.

Boring.
5: Yellow - What a boring color.  Do you have kids?   Go look at the nearest box of crayons you can find.   Isn't it weird how the yellows are almost completely unused?  Yellow is just lame.

It's everywhere.
4: Green - Everything around us is green--leaves, grass, shrubbery...  There's nothing special about green.

If you're colorblind, this is yellowish-orange.
3: Red - The colorblind can't see you, so you make the list.  Sorry red, but being indistinguishable from yellow for a portion of the population is not a positive.

Blue.  Just like the oceans.  Or the sky.  Ho hum.
2: Blue - There's nothing wrong with blue as a color per se, it's just that the whole sky is blue, so we're used to looking up and seeing it.  Surrounding it with other, better colors doesn't make it less mundane.

Indigo is the purple part.
1: Indigo - The lamest color of all.  Most of us just call it purple.  Except for those who call it blue.

Did you know that there are no distinct line delineations in rainbows?   Each color fades into the next and thus most (all?) colors are represented to some degree.  We put them into seven neat categories, but that's just our artificial way of handling things.  Thoughts?  Share in the comments below.  And as always, don't forget to check us out on Facebook and like our page.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Top 5 Things I Learned at the Fresh Beat Band Concert

So I was at the Fresh Beat Band concert on Friday, and expected it to be awful.  It wasn't, at least not entirely.  Here are my top 5 post-concert observations.

5: The Fresh Beats do exactly what you want from a band you only see on tv and don't follow--they play their popular songs and play them in a slightly different way than you're used to.  Of course, those popular songs appeal mostly to toddlers, but whatever.

4: When calculating how long it will take to get somewhere, factor in rush hour traffic. It took me an extra hour to get to the casino where the show was happening, which meant an extra hour in the car with the kid who was hungry, cranky, and anxious to get there.

3: A casino is a bad place to have a children's show--kids can't cut through the gamin areas, so it takes forever to get to the right section of the Mohegan Sun Arena.

2: I can enjoy anything if my kid is having fun... but I think he had more fun macking it to his friend.

1: This guy sucks no matter what the context.

Has anyopne else seen these guys in concert?  I'd love to hear your thoughts below.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Top 5 Worst Things About the Fresh Beat Band Concert

I am taking my 2 1/2 year old to see the Fresh Beat Band tonight--lucky me...  The Fresh Beat Band is a kids show featuring these teens who are in a lame band.  Awesome.  Here are 5 the things I am least looking forward to.

The Fresh Beat Band.
5: It's about two hours away.  Did you ever try to drive for two hours with a toddler?  It isn't pretty, and I just don't have the answers, so stop asking why!

4: I lose the radio.  It isn't bad enough that the night will be spent listening to the "music" put out by the Fresh Beat Band, but the ride up will be spent listening to whatever my kid wants, because if it isn't, it'll be spent listening to my kid pester me about not listening to what he wants.

3: It will be loud.  I went to see Yo Gabba Gabba with my son, and it was so damn loud!  I worry about his little ears!  I can't believe what an old person I sound like.

2: It's at a casino.  The show is at Mohegan Sun, a really nice Indian gaming facility in Connecticut.  I will be with the boy, so there is no craps table in my immediate future.  Worse than not going to a casino?  Going and not being able to play.

Yo dawg.
1: This guy.  He's the "rapper" of the group.  Seriously.

So I'll fill you in with how it went in an upcoming post, but for now, I'm dreading the experience a bit...  What do you think--am I crazy?  Or am I totally justified in being concerned?  Let me know below, and don't forget to find us on Facebook and like our page!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Top 5 Sports Announcers from Family Guy

Time and again, Family Guy delivers the funny.  Over the years, they've poked fun at quite a few sports and the way those sports are approached by announcers and commentators.  Here's our take on the funniest sports announcer bits Family Guy has covered.

5: Tim McCarver.

4: Horribly disfigured boxer.

3: Phil Mickelson's hot wife.
video

2: Armless second baseman.

1: WNBA announcers.

Like us at Facebook and leave us a comment below.  Especially those of you who haven't left a comment in ever; in ever...

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Top 5 Things Created In Connecticut

As a Connecticut resident (or Nutmegger), I am proud of my state's many accomplishments--first in flight (Gustav Whitehead--look it up), first Constitution (again--wiki-it), birthplace of ESPN and the Kooz Top 5.  Each achievement seems greater than the last.  Here are the top 5 invention to come out of Connecticut.

5: Frisbee - The Frisbie Pie Company in Bridgeport, CT, sold pies to Yale students, who used the pie platters like, well, Frisbees.  Wham-O took the name (with a slight spelling revision) for use on their flying disk toy, bringing joy to millions--until better toys came out.

4: Erector Set - Nutmegger A.C. Gilbert was a prolific inventor and athlete, who earned a degree from Yale in sports medicine, and worked his way through college as a magician.  In 1913, he created his greatest invention--the construction toy the Erector Set.  This may be one of those better toys referenced above.

3: Can Opener - Canned food has been around since 1810.  For almost half a century, people used hammers, rocks, and just about anything else hard to hammer a chisel through the top.  Then Ezra Warner of CT gave us the (very complicated and possible dangerous at the time) can opener, ensuring Chef Boiardi would make millions selling his Chef Boyardee meals in a can.

2: Vulcanized Rubber - Thank Charles Goodyear and CT for everything rubber you own--tires, wire insulation, shoe soles--everything.  Vulcanization takes otherwise sticky (when hot) or brittle (when cold) natural rubber, and makes it into something indispensable for our modern lives.

1: Wiffle Ball - Named after a strikeout--or "whiff"--a Wiffle Ball is a plastic ball with holes strategically placed on one side allowing a pitcher to throw curve balls, sinkers, and risers to batters, who use plastic Wiffle bats to hit.  Wiffle Ball is basically an alternative to baseball when space is tight and windows abound...  (Although my friends Brian and Kevin will confirm that Wiffle Balls, thrown toward a batter with enough velocity and hit with enough force can indeed shatter windows.)

First, yeah, give me shit for the Wiffle Ball ranking higher than rubber--let me have it in the comments.  Second, for those who ask, Pez, although manufactured in Connecticut, was invented in Germany.  Third, I keep hearing the Colt .45 was invented in CT, but that isn't my understanding--prove me wrong!  And if you think of any other great CT-based inventions, share with us in the comments.  And don't forget to share this post on Facebook and like our page while you're there!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Top 5 Reasons to Love the Rain

Sooz here, gazing out the window at a dreary, drippy day. But the rain isn't all bad! Sure, it helps with droughts, but how is that fun? Here's the top 5 reasons we love the rain.

Shhhh...don't wake him!

5. Kids sleep longer - I don't know if it's the dark sky or the soothing sound, but it is enough to make me seriously consider moving to Seattle for the extra shut eye.

Rain = Nature's sprinkler

4. Instant lawn watering - No need to worry about forgetting to put the sprinklers on...again.

See, this guy likes the rain.

3. The sound - Who doesn't love the sound of the rain falling on the roof. It's so soothing and relaxing, it sometimes makes me drift right off to....oh, sorry. Nodded off for a second there.

Almost makes me want to buy a Snuggie.  Almost.

2. A reason to stay in - It's nice to take a break sometimes, and a rain storm is a great excuse to curl up with a good book or movie and relax.

1. Perfect grilled cheese and tomato soup weather! Mmm... Melty goodness.

Okay, gotta go. Don't want my can of Cambell's soup boiling over.  Stay dry everyone!

Why not take this rainy day to check out some older Kooz Top 5 posts? And why not like us on Facebook so you can keep up to date?




Monday, September 17, 2012

Top 5 Things Babies Get Away With But I Can't

Sooz is back to bring kick off this week's top 5 lists:

"I'm coming to get you!"
I live with a baby, so I see him every day and see the things he gets away with--things I can't get away with...  It isn't fair.  Here's what I mean--the things babies get away with that I can't:

5: Eating until they fall asleep.  Okay, I do this on occasion, but I catch hell for it!

4: Crying until they get what they want.  Can you imagine doing this in a board meeting?

3: Wearing footsie pajamas 24/7.  It's hard even to find footsie pajamas in my size...

2: Getting gifts for almost showing up, then upon arrival, and also after picking a religion.  Give it a minute--you'll get it.

1: Sleeping all day long. Again, guilty!  But I get grief for it.  (Damned other grown-ups!)

I'm seeing a great sitcom here, folks, or at least an SNL sketch.  Make it so, and throw some money at me like I just got baptized.  Or, you can just leave us a comment below or go to Facebook and like the Kooz Top 5!

Friday, September 14, 2012

Top 5 Four Horsemen

This awesome picture is clipped from Mark Wilkinson here.
Culture is and has been replete with references to the "four horsemen" since the penning of the Book of Revelation around the close of the first century CE.  Here's our top 5 four horsemen.

5: Rappers - Canibus, Killah Priest, Kurupt, and Ras Kass teamed up in 2003 to release The Horsemen Project, a full-length rap album from their group The HRSMN, a/k/a The Four Horsemen.  As rap supergroups go, Wu-Tang and N.W.A. they ain't, but they've still got enough juice to crack the list at number 5.

4: Supreme Court Justices - In the mid-Thirties, four conservative Supreme Court Justices consistently opposed FDR's New Deal agenda, occasionally convincing a fifth Justice to join them in finding programs unconstitutuional.  Theses guys--Butler, McReynolds, Sutherland, and van Devanter--even commuted together and used the time to hone their arguments.

3: Atheists - Richard Dawkins, Daniel Dennett, Sam Harris, and Christopher Hitchens were dubbed the four horsemen of the "new atheism" movement, which advocated criticism of religion by way of rational argument.  The movement spurred publication of a lot of literature and scholarship--both for and against.  The polemics inspired thought-provoking debate and vaulted these guys over the average-at-best rappers and long-dead Justices above.

"We can count this many!"
2: Wrestlers - In the 80's and 90's, the professional wrestling world was graced by the presence of the Four Horsemen--a team including Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, and two other members (who changed over time, but included at various points The Road Warriors, Lex Luger, Sting, Sid Vicious, and Chris Benoit among others).  The team was involved in some good matches and memorable story lines, but its impact is still being felt as it was the forerunner of all "heel" (bad guy) groups.

From a French cathedral--I couldn't locate which one.
1: Actual Horsemen - The Book of Revelation--the final book in the Christian Bible--speaks of the end of days, when the Lamb of God will open four of seven seals, summoning riders atop four horses: a white horse representing conquest, a red horse representing war, a black horse representing famine, and a pale green horse whose rider is named Death.  The book--replete with creepy symbolism and enigmatic pronouncements--has been the inspiration (directly and indirectly) of just about every piece of fiction about the apocalypse.

Who did we leave out?  Let us know in the comments below, and don't forget to find us and like us on Facebook.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Top 5 Images of the Hulk

In 1966, Marvel comic character Hulk got a cartoon--he looked like this:
"If I weren't green, would you recognize me?"
Since then, Hulk has appeared in 10 animated and one live-action television shows, and 6 animated and 3 live-action movies.  He has never, ever looked the same twice.  Here are our favorite versions of Hulk (not Hogan).

Where did he get red jeans in 1982?
5: This guy is Hulk circa 1982 from The Incredible Hulk cartoon.  This is the animated version I remember growing up, and is the only cartoon I am putting on the list, since most of the other animated versions are either terrible or cheesy and ridiculous.  Err, more ridiculous.

"Hulk constipated."
4: From the 2003 movie Hulk; props to the CGI guys for the attempt.  This was the first non-Lou Ferrigno Hulk that wasn't animated.  Or was, depending what you consider CGI.  It's pretty crappy, but it's easily the best part of the terrible, terrible movie.

Captures Edward Norton perfectly.
3: And the 2003 movie was so bad that Edward Norton rebooted it only 5 years later, giving us the 2008 version of Hulk in The Incredible Hulk.  The CGI is much improved--the muscles looks more natural, the movements look more natural, and even the color looks more natural.  You know, for a green guy.  Whatever, don't judge me.  Anyway, Norton is a Hulk fan, and took the role only after being allowed to rewrite the script to keep it from being the cinematic abortion the 03 version was.  He was partially successful.

I think this is just an add; Hulk doesn't have "Avengers" tattooed across his chest.
2: This year, The Avengers brought us the most recent version of Hulk.  Okay, he's neon green again, but this less boxy version looks a bit more human, except for the grotesquely misshapen arms and lats--which is fine for Hulk.  Look at the version in #4, then look at this--amazing how far CGI has come in the past decade, isn't it?  And isn't that an odd statement for anyone who remembers a world without Aladdin flying through the Cave of Wonders...

"I'm coming for you, Trump!"
1: Lou Ferrigno.  I stopped liking Lou after seeing him be an ass on The Celebrity Apprentice, but I'll give him this--he's the quintessential Hulk.  Big and green with crazy hair and wild eyes, Ferrigno's impaired and affected by his deafness, only adds to the character.  Incidentally, he's voiced every live-action Hulk and at least one animated version.  He was the Hulk in the live-action series from 1977-82 and 1988-90.

There you have it--the best versions of your favorite green guy (unless one of the myriad of other green characters is your favorite)...  Let us know what you think of the Hulk below, or hell, tell us about your favorite green characters--maybe you'll contribute to a future top 5 (it sounds like something we'd cover!).  And don't forget to like our Facebook page right now!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Top 5 Ridiculous Dating Sites

Online dating is huge, with as many as 112% of people* meeting their partners through an online service.  Obviously there is a ton of money to be made by setting up one of these websites, but for every Match or eHarmony, there are a ton of unsuccessful niche competitors.  Here's our take on the goofiest of these (each with its tagline in parentheses):

5: gk2gk.com - "Finally, a dating site for geeks!"  Geek to geek is almost certainly populated almost entirely by guys looking for the handful of girls.  But the girls will be dressed like Boba Fett (or Samus Aran), so the guys will search in vain.

4: BlackPeopleMeet.com - "This is how black people meet!"  Oh, this is how black people meet.  Okay, got it.  Didn't realize black people had a hard time meeting other black people until now.  Nothing like promoting endogamy to support that healthy "melting pot" idea...  [Turns head slowly toward JDate.]

3: Pounced.org - "Have you been pounced yet?"  It's a place where you, being a "furry," can meet other furries.  So if you're into zoophilia or fursuitism, and want to yiff, check it out.  (Yeah, those are all things.  Nope, I'm not a furry.  I just have Google.)

2: 7orBetter.com - "Where size does matter."  Before I saw the tagline, I thought this was a site where people on the high end of the looks-grading-scale meet (as in, "she's at least a 7").  In case you're still not sure what the site is pimping, the first line of the description is: "Wouldn't it be nice to know up front if the man you are dating is well endowed?"

1: STDMatch.net - "Connect with singles who share your STD."  Wow.  I guess herpes-fetish.com was taken and chlamydia is too hard to spell.  Seriously, I guess this makes some sort of sense.

Narrowly missing the list was ChristianMingle.com with it's preposterously presumptuous tagline, "Find God's match for you at ChristianMingle.com today!"  Why not leave a comment below--maybe the future love of your life will respond (we want to be invited to the wedding)...  And don't forget to like us on Facebook.

*This stat is complete bullshit.  I just made it up.  In fact, not only is it wrong, it isn't even possible.