Friday, January 25, 2013

Top 5 Lamest Comments Overheard on the Commuter Train

There are always tons of drunk lawyers and businessmen returning home from long days of fucking up our economy. They usually drink a few beers on the train ride, making their inane comments inanier (?). Here's some of the worst stuff I heard over the course of one ride.

5: "iPhone 5 has an app for that."  Okay, it's been out a long time now, and apps have been out even longer, and that whole "we have an app for that" concept has been out forever as well.  What are you gaining by saying this (besides polite but uncomfortable laughter)?

4: "Beer me!"  (Followed by uproarious laughter as though it was the most original, clever moment ever uttered.)  Has no one heard this before?  It's not funny.  It's what you say when you need a new beer and someone is closer to the cooler.  Screw this idiot, but shame on all those morons who laughed.

3: "...and I was like, 'you are the weakest link, goodbye.'"  Wow, when did that show last air, a decade ago?

2: "Cold enough for ya?"  Anyone who says this should be kicked.  No, I didn't kick the guy--he was bigger than me--but someone should have kicked him.  What a meaningless, stupid phrase.  I'm convinced it's what dumb people say to make small talk.  These are the same guys who go up to girls in bars and ask, "what's your sign?"  Like it's 1972 and anyone cares.

1: "At least it's Wednesday."  What?  That would make sense if it were Friday--a day we all recognize as the end of the work week.  But this person basically said, "at least we get to get up early and grind our way through two more work days before getting to relax!"  I should note, this was said without any sense of sarcasm--he was actually happy it was Wednesday.

Remember, that was one ride--this is repeated every week day!  Make our misery a little less miserable--like our Facebook page and leave us a comment below!


  1. Perhaps #1 is a big American Idol fan?

  2. They are the worst. I just try to read and ignore them.

  3. As a femal lawyer who deals with these people all the time, I must assure you these guys are douches from the very beginning of their day. The long day only enhances their douchiness. Other ones you missed include "I was like, DUDE!" and "I was so hammered!"
    The best repellent for these guys is intelligence. If they approach you, don't make eye contact and immediately start quoting something other than SNL skits. That should scare them off.

  4. I too deal with these guys all day, and completely agree with your comment! My usual response is to stand there and passively be annoyed. I suck.