Thursday, January 24, 2013

Top 5 Worst Comic Book Movies (Prior to Batman Begins)

Guest blogger Mike Bednarik brings you today's top 5:

Most of these were prior to two of what I consider among the best comic book movies (which if Kooz allows, I will follow up with my Top 5 Best Comic Book Movies (Since Batman Begins).

5. Hulk (2003) – As Kooz said previously, Ang Lee’s career took a serious hit with this.  Horrible story, weird comic book panels and pop up bubble shots for no apparent reason than to tell us he was making a comic book movie.  And worst of all, Nick Nolte as some kind of shape-shifting, mom-murdering, gamma ray-infused-dog-creating, homage to the Hulk’s TV show alter ego (David Banner) for a villain.  For a first budget studio attempt at a Hulk movie, this could have been so much better on every level.

4. Daredevil (2003) and Elektra (2005) – Sure, Jennifer Garner, looks like a fanboy’s dream in red tight leather as Elektra, but if anyone has ever read either of these comics, especially in the 1990’s, Elektra and Daredevil were actually pretty gritty, bad-ass characters.  Instead, in Daredevil we get horrible Ben Affleck trying to act tough by growling at an okay-but-still-joke-of-a-villain-as-Bullseye Colin Farrell, and the talented Michael Duncan Clarke as a underdeveloped Kingpin.  Elektra was a PG-13 train wreck with some b.s. story told in flashbacks about how her mom was murdered and she was the chosen one from some blind guy.  Yet another CMB wussed out by Hollywood.

3. Superman III (1983) and Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987) – I have faith that the new one coming out soon will be pretty good.  But let’s face it, this particular franchise should have stopped at number two.  Superman III had Richard Pryor as a computer geek who causes Superman to become a douche.  Then he fights a supercomputer because they figured that Lex Luthor was overdone.  I guess, but a super computer?  Lame.  And Superman IV... my God.  I admire the 80’s relevant theme of him trying to get rid of all nukes in the world and the return of Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor, but again, the main foe for Supes was horrible.  Nuclear Man?!?!  Wow... how original, a Superman clone who becomes a pansy in the shade.  And Jon Cryer as Luthor’s nephew?  WTF!?!?

2. Captain America (1990) – Haven’t seen it?  Be glad.  The story actually wasn’t terrible and was close to the comics, but it looks and sounds like a bad TV movie version of a comic book movie.  Spandex reigns and Cap’s shield (his trademark) looks like a plastic disc you can take for a ride on the big hill on a snowy day instead of an indestructible kick-ass weapon.  And the villain, Red Skull, is basically a guy in a bad mask with a bad German accent.  No one associated with this movie in any capacity ever did anything relevant in Hollywood again.  That pretty much says it all.  Still, if you want to get a good laugh and see it on somewhere, you have to check it out for the cheesiness factor alone.

1. Batman and Robin (1997) - Two words: Bat Nipples!  This awful trend can be blamed on Batman Forever where things started getting craptastic.  I actually thought Clooney was a good Bruce Wayne/Batman choice but too much going on here by Joel Schumacher--namely too many villains and good guys.  Overacting raises the cheese and camp factor to eleventy.  The Governator as an one lining Mr. Freeze, a non sexy, Uma Thurman in green spandex as Poison Ivy, and Bane, one of the nastiest Batman villains in print, (redeemed in The Dark Knight Rises) reduced to a grunting, mono-syllabic, idiot bodyguard for Uma Thurman.  Damn you Joel Schumacher!!!

How is that for terrible?  Hollywood sure is getting better at this!  For example, these.  Let me know what you think of my choices in the comment section below.  And go "like" the Kooz Top 5 Facebook page!

6 comments:

  1. I think I missed most of these, and judging by your post I'm okay with that!
    If I didn't know better, based on the poster for #2, I would think Captain America was about the leader of the U.S. Ultimate Frisbee Team.

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  2. I agree with all of these. Although, Arnold's 1 liners are totally memorable...albeit ridiculous.

    In the game, DC Universe Online, they stayed true to the cheese factor and gave Freeze soooo many terrible 1 liners.

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  3. "Batman and Robin" is the perfect example of a development process that believed if 'more' is better, then 'too much' is ideal. In addition to everything you already mentioned, they shoehorned in Batgirl to boot. A disaster.

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  4. Seriously, everything was wrong with that movie.

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