Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Worst Lance Armstrong Traits

Lance Armstrong sucks.  Okay, this has been sitting in the hopper for a while, and in light of Lance's recent mea culpa, we feel the time is right to unleash our top 5 worst things about Lance Armstrong.

5: Shitty author - His book, "It's Not About The Bike," is terrible.  It's poorly written and so chock-full of hyperbole, it's almost unreadable.  Also, it's a "with" book (as in written by: "Lance Armstrong with Sally Jenkins," which means it was actually written by Sally Jenkins), so maybe we should blame this one on Ms. Jenkins.  I haven't bothered to read any of his others, but I'll assume they all suck, and refer to them collectively as "his book."

4: Cheater - Steroids.

3: Bad husband - His wife was his support through his struggles with cancer.  After recovering, he dumped her for Sheryl Crow.

2: Self-centered, egotistical jerk - He is so obnoxious and he doesn't even realize it.  His book makes it clear that he realizes his pre-steroid scandal story should be inspiring, but his ego prevents him from figuring out why.  The "It's Not About the Bike" title is appropriate--it's about how awesome Lance is and always has been!  And now we know he's full of shit.  So awesome.

1: Liar - Lied about steroids for years, even in the face of multiple accusations.  In fact, he claimed that his accusers were the liars.

Livestrong has worked to distance itself from Lance to some degree, which is good.  They do a good job supporting cancer patients (as opposed to working toward a cure--both are needed, but the former is often overlooked).  But I digress.  Lance is a douche, with a capital D double O S H.

That was almost timely.  Share your thoughts below...


  1. He's also unnaturally (wink wink) drawn to the color yellow. Though I think that may be under control now.

  2. So many things to dislike about this guy.